Dangerous and Deadly Love

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Mentions of panic attacks

It's officially been three weeks since Thanos snapped his fingers. The team, or wants left of the team, has been trying to figure out who's gone and who's still living. Carol went back out to try and find Tony in the universe a couple days after she rested up. He was in the worst shape I've ever seen him. But he's back here on Earth, trying to get better as we all talk about a plan to find and kill Thanos. Right now though we're looking at the people who are gone, counting the numbers of people, but the pain was too much to bear for me as we looked at the faces of people we've fought side by side with, protected like our own blood, and cared for for decades. I lost it when I saw Fury's and then Monica's face show up on the hologram table. I walked out of the room to take a breather outside.

"I knew I would find you out here." Having her here was more than I could ask for. But I never really forgot what it felt like to have her arms around me in a tight hug. I know I shouldn't feel this way, considering that I have a wife and a daughter, but her touch will always be the first and the one that will ground me, even a little more than Tasha's.

"I missed you." I said with my head still in the crook of her neck. I missed her to the point where I almost forgot about my little family. I feel so guilty thinking like this, about this. But Carol is the last person alive, with me, that has seen me grow, to a sense, and she's still here, she's still with me.

I can feel myself start to choke up again thinking about all the people that have left me. There are about two people still here with me, still fighting a fight that needs to be fought. Her arms are so strong around me and I hold her tighter, wanting to be back on the alien planet, back on her ship, just back to where all I had to worry about was myself and occasionally Carol when she was drunk. The memory brings a smile to my face as I think back to that year.

"Do you think I should feel guilty for having you comfort me more than my own wife?" I know that this question had a lot of weight on it, but I wanted to know from the perspective of someone else, maybe even if it is Carol.

"Well," Her hand comes up to my head and lightly plays with my hair. "No, you've been through so much in your life, I think it's only valid that you do have that one person you can rely on. Even if it is me and not Natasha." Her last comment makes me tense up again and think this is so wrong, but how can it be? I have Carol with me, the only person who hasn't left me. I can feel myself start to spiral as I think more and more about this.

"Hey, hey. Kings! Kings!" I hear her voice lightly in my ears as I feel her hands on my body, but it's in a different way. I feel the grass on my arms and between my fingers as I also feel her arms around my shoulders and waist, trying to keep me up and not falling into the abyss of my panic attack.

There are more muffled voices, but the main one that sticks out to me is Carol's. The more and more I think about it I fall deeper and deeper. Fucking stop! Why can't you fucking stop?! Eventually I black out the next couple hours as I hear a couple more words whispered to me: "I got you, Little King. I got you"

~

When I wake up the room is silent, the compound is silent. I move the covers off to sit up off my body and realize that this isn't my room. The more I look around the more I see that it's Carol's room. There's two pictures on the nightstand. It's the picture of Carol and I as I'm on her shoulders and the other one is of the four of us, that day we all met each other. I swung my legs over the edge and took the frame of the four of us in my hands.

"You know I think about that day all the time." Her voice was so soft and soothing, I smiled knowing exactly who it was.

"You know I had a flashback, or memory dream about it a couple years ago. It's like that moment, that day never left my mind and it just resurfaced." I place the frame back on the nightstand and get up off the bed. I looked down at my feet and saw that my shoes were off and I was wearing one of Tasha's sweaters. I wrap it around myself, holding my arms in a protective manner.