forward / slash ✭ matt sturniolo

FORTY SEVEN

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Leanna had locked herself in her room in Somerville and poorly explained her presence back in the city to her parents. Penelope and Arlo Lawson both knew that her excuse was for better words, a pile of shit, but they didn't point that out. Mainly because they could see their daughter's red eyes when she told them. Besides, when they did try to ask her about her well-being, Leanna shrugged, muttering 'C'est la vie' before walking into her room.

Because she had given all her social media to her management to handle, Leanna was bored out of her mind in her living room. She had begun writing the song Matt inspired, titling it 'Grow As We Go', but her storming out of his room was the only thing replaying in her mind when she tries to write.

'You say there's so much you don't know' is the only thing, besides her title, on the page. She bites on the eraser at the end of her pencil. Her thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the front door. Leanna quickly gets up and opens the front door, revealing the last person she expected: Rory.

Rory waves, "Hi."

Dumbfounded by the girl's presence, Leanna squints her eyes, "Uh, hi?"

"Can we talk?" Rory asks, smiling sheepishly at Leanna.

Leanna's head tilts, ignoring the girl's question she gives her a confused look, "How'd you get my address?"

The brown-eyed girl points behind her shoulder to a familiar-looking minivan parked by the sidewalk, "Matt drove me here."

Leanna sighs deeply, sparing a glance at the minivan, noticing Matt's eyes on her. Hesitantly, she opens the door wider, gesturing for Rory to enter. She guides Rory to the living room and the two sit down on the couch. Lea closes her songbook and sets it on the coffee table, "What do you want to talk about?"

"Me kissing Matt." Rory's lips are pressed into a fine line after the sentence leaves her mouth. As if she's nervous about Lea's reaction.

Oh, Jesus. Is this some sort of joke? Leanna mentally cries, trying not to let out a scoff.

Sensing Leanna's bubbling anger, Rory moves forward, "Look, I know how it sounds. But, it's not what you think."

Leanna only blinks and sucks her teeth, refraining from asking her to leave.

Rory takes a moment before speaking, "Matt is a really nice guy. He's sweet, caring, and funny. And my mind was telling me that liking him made sense because of those attributes. It was what I was supposed to be doing. When we got really close, that voice got louder. One day we were hanging out and I felt compelled to kiss him. So, I did."

Lea purses her lips while raising an eyebrow. The last thing she wants or needs is to have Rory recant her kiss with Matt.

Taking a pause before continuing, Rory looks down at her fingertips, "I felt nothing when it happened. I mean, I apologized because I knew how he felt about you and we didn't talk for a while because of it. Then I went to a party, found another boy and kissed him—still felt nothing."

Rory's voice shakes and Lea watches as the long-haired brunette girl hunches over, seemingly entranced with her cuticles.

Clearing her throat and looking back up Rory continues, "It was this ongoing cycle: Find a boy. Kiss. Pray that I'd feel something— I couldn't. There was always this thought in the back of my mind that I pushed away because I knew my parents would hate me if I did: what if I like girls?"