Sunflower

14

Finnigan

Fear. 

A four letter word. The dictionary describes it to be afraid of something, that is likely to be dangerous or painful. 

And losing Bev would most definitely be painful. 

I've known her for only five months, but they've been the most content I've ever been. She brought something into my life that the word 'Happy' wouldn't even describe it to its full extent.

And I might lose her. 

I bounce my foot nervously on the floor and bite my lip, staring at the wall in front of me. 

Everyone is really nervous. 

Jay has his head in his hands, Nolan is completely still, staring at the wall, Walker drags his hand through his hair or down his face every two minutes, and Ezra is trying not to cry. 

Just like me. 

I blame myself, mostly. 

It was my responsibility to keep them safe, and I failed. 

Miserably. 

Nobody talks, we just sit in silence. 

We're all scared. 

The doctor comes out, and we all look up, waiting for the news. My heart beats in anticipation, my palms sweating. 

He looks rather monotone, so I don't know how to feel. 

He breathes. "So, Beverly was shot in the lower abdomen, but luckily, it didn't go all the way through her body, it was just sitting inside her just below her hip," 

Pfft. A random piece of metal was inside her before I was. 

Woah. Where did that come from?

 "We did the surgery to get it out, and she should be waking up in a few minutes," The doctor says. "Gunshot wounds typically take ten days to heal, but if there's an infection from the surgery it might take longer. But by next week, she should be up and walking," He smiles, but it looks like he's in pain. 

I bit my lip, my stomach dropping at the word 'infection'

I will do anything in my power to be make sure that doesn't happen. 

"When can we see her?" A small, timid, but deep voice calls out.

Oh, that's my voice. 

He looks at me and smiles, pitifully. 

I hate that wholeheartedly. 

"One person at a time, and then when she wakes up, all of you can see her. Visiting hours are over at 7 pm," He says, and then with that, he walks off. 

We sit outside Bev's room, frozen. "Whos' going in first?" Walker asks, monotone. And if you didn't know him, you'd say that he almost sounds...bored. 

But that's not it. He's scared. 

He's really scared. 

"I think Finn should go in first," Nolan says. "She'd want to see him when she wakes up." 

Everyone nods, but I'm not sure I even want to go in yet. 

I don't want to see her like that. Hooked up to tubes, a monitor next to her. 

I don't wanna see that. Especially when it's her. 

Jay can sense my hesitation, so he claps my back. "You don't have to go in, Finn. We can wait till she wakes up," He offers. 

Despite my fear, the emotion that's overpowering is determination. I don't want Bev waking up alone, surrounded by people she doesn't know. 

I shake my head, and walk in. 

And then I wish I had stayed outside. 

Her skin is pale, and she's hooked up to multiple machines, tubes up her nose, and in her arm. My breathing speeds up, and my hands shake. 

Despite all that, though, I sit down next to her, and grab her cold, clammy hand. 

I try to avoid looking at her, because being in a hospital in general makes me anxious. 

It's weird how fast things can change. Just yesterday, she kissed me. She laughed with me and let me cry. And the next, she's in the hospital, and literally almost died four hours ago. 

If she died, it would've been four hours that I didn't have with her. 

Probably would've been one of the worst four hours of my life, and would continue to make my life a living hell.

She's been the only one who made me truly happy. She's taught me what it's like to have that kind of person by my side. 

My thoughts are interrupted when her body shifts, her groaning in pain. I'm instantly alert, and I look at her. She looks around the room, sleepy at first, but then at the sound of the monitor, her eyes grow wide in panic. The monitor beeps faster, and her breathing grows erratic. 

"Bev, look at me," I demand.

She looks at my face, and I see tears growing. "What is this-" She tries to speak, but her throat is so dry that it just sounds like a bunch of mumbled words. 

"I don't-I don't-get it out-" She pulls at the tubes in her nose, and the nurses step in. They pin her down gently, trying to soothe her. Bev screams, and I don't know if it's in pain, or if it's in fear. 

Probably both.

"Finn-" She cries, and I attempt to grab her hand, but she writhes around the hospital bed, arguing with the nurses. 

"Get these off of me!" She screams, the monitor beeping louder and faster. 

I run my hands through my hair, completely shocked, and scared. I don't recognize this look on her face, and I'm not sure if I like it. 

She looks...horrifying. 

She's screaming, her mouth is open so wide in pain it's haunting. The monitor is beeping twice every second, her heartbeat starting to fail. 

Terror snakes up my spine. 

If they don't get her back to sleep, Bev is going to do die.

Suddenly, Bev's body goes limp and the monitor slowly starts to slow down, along with my heart. 

They put her tubes back in and straighten her gown out, which gradually skirted up while she tried to get out of the bed. 

To others in the room, it may be loud and chaotic, but all I hear is silence. 

 The nurses calm down, double checking everything. Some of them leave, some of them stay. 

I just sit still. 

I don't recognize that part of Bev. I don't like that I felt threatened by her. But I mostly feel scared. For her. 

She seemed...terrified. 

I'm overcome by protectiveness to keep her safe, so I grab her hand. It's cold, and rough, but it's nice to know that it's there to hold. 

Mine to hold. 

I clench my jaw at the pain she was just in, and my stomach churns. I don't ever want her to feel that way ever again. 

Oh, and I want to kill the one that shot her. 

And my dad.

He can mess with me, my head, screw up my life, but as soon as he or his gross hitmen touch Bev, that's where I've had enough. 

I'm going to send the letter.