𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 // 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗 𝚍𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚘𝚜

v. jealousy jealousy

What occurred two years ago came flooding back to me the other night, the moment my lips collided with Justin's in an attempt to catch me as I tripped over my foot, but it didn't go as planned. I made a concerted effort to ensure that this would not happen again because the last thing I want to hear is Justin's response. I was fortunate not to hear it two years ago, since he was interrupted by Kuya Yani.

Justin De Dios. I love this man and will go to any length for him, even though he is incapable of doing the same for me—he's in love with someone else. And while I understand that part, I'm uncertain if I can stay here if this keeps happening.

But I didn't have much of a choice when I promised to help with their script, and I don't want to make things any more awkward than they already are. I can do this. I can pretend nothing happened and be a greater friend to Justin than I have been in previous years. I mean, I still regard him as more than a friend, but it has to stop. I have to accept that this is all we can be.

But right now? I wish I could do more than simply talk to myself. I'm just a person who fell so hard that I don't think I'll be able to climb to a safe spot so easy. I'm envious of how others can state or admit that they like him and doesn't turned out to be awkward around him whereas I can't.

“Grabe, akala ko hindi na ulit kita makikita simula nung umalis kayo sa bahay ni kuya,” Max admitted to Justin, who is now blushing, and I hope it has something to do with the weather and not because of what she said to him.

I wasn't supposed to agree to getting a coffee first thing in the morning with Justin because I'm not a morning person like him, but since it's a reason to spend time with him, I agreed.

I assumed it would be just us, which, I thought, was great, but while he was ordering our coffee, familiar faces entered the coffee shop and recognized him right away. Former PBB Housemates and SB19 members became close when they came to PBB House as guests and stayed for a week as mentors for the housemates.

“Miss na miss mo naman ata si Kuya Justin, Max?” someone in her group of friends teases her. Every time Max complimented Justin, the other looked in my direction, which made me wonder why.

Honestly, I'm kind of jealous of her now, but not in a bad way, it's just she and Justin can talk without making each other feel awkward. How? Siguro ganito talaga kapag may gusto ka sa isang tao, feeling mo ang awkward 'pag kayo na nag-uusap. Hindi naman kami ganito dati.

I wish I could talk to you like that… I'm sorry, Justin. I ruined our friendship, didn't I? I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I didn't realize I was standing up.

“Saan ka pupunta, Kie? Ayos ka lang ba?” Justin questioned as soon as I got out of my seat, which surprised me a little.

“Oh, sorry, I need to use the restroom.”

I didn't wait for whatever he was going to say or if he was going to say anything, but I quickly went to the washroom to calm myself down.

I miss the old us. Just the simple Kiera and Justin hanging out at St. Benilde.

“Hi, Ate Kiera,” Max said as she approached my side by the sink and began straightening her hair. Why is she here? “I understand I'm not in a position to ask, but… are you and Kuya Jah dating?”

Whoa! Isn't that a little too direct?

“No, we're not,” I replied simply.

“Hala! Talaga po ba? Akala ko kayo na ni Kuya Jah kasi inaasar siya nung ibang members na dadating na raw yung crush niya back when they were a guest at PBB. Naririnig lang namin.”