Our Little Love ➳ Camila Cabello

forty-three

We had been on our separate buses for almost 4 hours now and we're on our way to Toronto.

I'm exhausted but still on the sex high that Ariana left me with. While laying on the lounge couch, I woke up with my phone going crazy with texts. I pulled it off of the floor to read the messages.

Ari: I need to see you ASAP. the buses are about to stop for gas and yea

Y/N: I probably won't get out but u can come by. I'll be in the lounge room anyways

We had only seen each other hours ago. Why couldn't she wait until we were in Toronto for her to see me again?

I curled up in my cover and looked out the window as the bus slowly crept to a stop. The quiet empty bus makes me lonely sometimes. I'm so used to 5 other girls getting me up and making me do things all day. Being on tour by myself is one of the loneliest things I've done in my existence and I don't like it.

As my eyelids got heavier, the bus door opened and heavy footsteps trekked up the steps. I looked over to see Ariana with her head hanging down. A completely different expression than a couple of hours ago.

"Hey moon." She said softly sitting down beside me. Even her voice was different.
"Hi Ari." I said in a skeptical voice. What's wrong with her?
She frowned and sat down beside me to grab my hand, "We only got 5 minutes so I'll have to talk quick." She sighed out and paused for a few moments. They were the longest moments of my life. "Moon, it hurts for me to say this but I think we should just be friends."
What the fuck? WHAT. THE. FUCK. I tried to keep my anger down that way I didn't over react before I heard her out. I have a tendency to do that. "What? Why?" That's all I could say without blowing my lid.
She frowned, "It's just that- tour is ending. I wanna be friends, but that's all we could ever be. It was nice and all. I mean, you're the first girl I ever dated. I learned a lot."
"We fucked within the last 5 hours and you wanna break up?!" I asked with a hurt expression. Then it all came to me, "Was that all this was? An experiment? Fuck. I knew something was up with you."
She looked at me with those big, sad, brown eyes. "Babe, you gotta believe me. It's not just that. The sex was good. It's just that I've got all I could out of this relationship."
"You aren't making this any better! You fucking used me." I replied angrily.
She kept calm, "Look, I'm sure you knew it wouldn't have lasted long. Sean and I will both be off tour soon. I always go back to him anyways."
"How can you be so nonchalant about this? You used me." I replied feeling 1,000 different emotions. None of them were expected.
Her frown expanded, "I had fun. Let's not get anything twisted. I like you a lot and I still want to be friends. I just feel like we both got what we wanted."
"Leave." I said quietly.
"What?"
"Leave. Adios. Hit the road. Get the fuck outta here. I can't talk or look at you without saying some shit I'll regret. Just fucking go." I bit at her.
She nodded sadly and got up, "I really hope you'll reconsider being friends. It's for the best."

I did what I could to bite my tongue until she left the bus. When the door closed, I grabbed my pillow and harshly threw it at the other couch in the lounge.

What the fuck have I done? I fucked up so bad. So so so bad. There's no way any of this can be fixed.

I knew something was up with her. All she wanted was sex. What the hell? Who would've expected that? Even I thought she cared. What a fuck girl. She acts like its the most casual thing in the world but it's not. I was actually beginning to believe that I could get Camila out of my mind with Ariana by my side. But she just fucked with my feelings.

Hell, I can't talk. I used her, too. I should've known better than to get with another girl to try and get over Camila. What a stupid decision. I'm a fucking idiot.

Now I've lost Ariana and Camila. I can't do this anymore. I'm not fit for relationships or love. I'm always caught off guard by something. I need to just stop and take a break. Stay away from the drama of a relationship.

But I can't. I want Camila. That's the thing. That's why she's in my brain all the time. I don't just want her, though. I need her. I need her in this bus with me everyday. I need her to hold me. Fuck. What have I done?

I grabbed my phone, with tears in my eyes, and called the one person that could make me happy. Someone that I could talk to and tell them about all of this mess and they'd try to help me through it so I wouldn't bottle up my frustration.

"Hello?" Her small voice asked.
"Mama." I shakily replied.
"Y/N, are you okay? You sound weird." Ally replied worriedly.
I sniffled a little before talking, "I fucked up."
"What are you talking about? Hun, you're scaring me. You don't sound like yourself."
I wasn't myself. My voice was cracked because I had cracked. "You're gonna be so mad. Oh fuck. I made a mistake. I miss you guys. I don't wanna be here anymore." I told her honestly.
"Baby girl. You aren't making sense. What did you do?" I could tell she was growing more and more distressed as time went on.
"You can't tell the other girls. Please. Please. I made the biggest mistake in my life and it came back to bite me in the ass." I said beginning to come undone.
"I won't tell them. They aren't even in the bus right now. Just spit it out."
"Ariana used me, Ma. We fucked and I was her little experiment. Camila was right. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Her name. It was enough to throw me off the edge.
"Baby girl, calm down."
"I can't calm down. Don't you see? You were all right. You all warned me. Even I knew something was up." I told her. My blood pressure was beginning to rise. "Fuck. I don't even know why I called you. I gotta go."
"Please don't leave. You're upset and alone. I need to talk to you." Ally was in tears now.
"I gotta go. I'm just gonna sleep it off. Maybe this was for the best. Maybe all of it was telling me something." I sighed.
"Stop talking like this. You're scaring me. Please just calm down."
"I gotta go, Alls. I love you." I told her before ending the call.

As soon as I did that, I got a text from an unknown number.

U/N: is this y/n?

Y/N: depends on who's asking.

U/N: ha it's Abel.

Y/N: oh shit. hey what's up

I hurried to add him to my contacts as I snuggled back down on the couch and wiped the tears from my eyes. Maybe this can help me get happier.

The Weeknd: nothing. listen, I'm at home in Toronto and Scooter asked me to come by and see ur set.

Y/N: so you're coming to see me perform?!

The Weeknd: sure thing but I also wanted to know if u wanted to take me up on that offer of partying afterwards. maybe in your bus? it's been a while since I had a kick back on a bus

This could be it. The thing that can officially get her off my mind. A party with the Weeknd. Not just any party. One of the hardest and craziest kickbacks ever. Only for the reasons that what he does is not easy. He does hard shit. If there's any time to pick up some bad habits. It's now.

Y/N: I'm down. meet me in the bus after my performance. I don't feel like staying for Ariana's set.

The Weeknd: don't worry. I wasn't planning on staying for hers anyways xD see u then xo