ALL THE WORDS WE COULDN'T SAY

N I N E

An emotion, indescribable, rose within me. And before I had the chance to stop and actually think about my actions, I was already walking up to the pair who were pouring themselves a drink.

As the set of hazel eyes found mine, the small smile she had was now wiped off and replaced with a scowl.

"Can I talk to you?" I blurted out.

"No."

"Please?"

"Mate, she said no." Sofia narrowed her eyes at me.

"It'll only be a minute, I swear." The desperation in my voice was beyond evident.

Something in her eyes changed. Like another dare that had just been accepted. Sofia opened her mouth, probably to tell me to fuck myself, but was cut off as Persy spoke. "You know what? Okay. I'll give you a minute. Not that you deserve it."

After giving a reassuring glance to Sofia, Persy and I walked through the kitchen and into a corridor near the front of the house. She then turned to me, her back against the wall and arms crossed against her chest.

"Your minute starts now."

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Was I now too drunk to form an apology? The gold of her eyes darkened with anger.

"I- I'm sorry."

"What am I supposed to do with a sorry?"

"I know you must hate me for what I did-"

"And what exactly did you do?"

"You know-"

"Yes, I do." She pushed off the wall with her foot, slowly bringing her face to mine. We were inches apart, I could feel the exhale of her breath on my skin. "But I want to hear you say it."

She still smelled like lavender and cherry.

"I'm sorry that I made your life a living hell when all you tried to do was help me," I spoke in barely a whisper. "I really do regret it."

Persy swallowed. For the first time since she barged into that bathroom with me and Nathan still in it, I saw the pain push to the frontlines of her face. It couldn't be masked by sharp acrimony or bitter resentment. It was just pain. The sight of her eyes glistening as she tried to bite back tears almost made me drop to my knees and beg. Beg for what? Anything. Anything to get rid of the pain.

She backed away. Her shoulders curved in, as if she was protecting herself.

"It doesn't matter." She cleared her throat. "You got what you wanted in the end, didn't you?"

"No!" I protested, more vigorously than intended. "No. That's not-"

"Let's not pretend you've changed, Killian. I won't accept your apology just to make you feel better about yourself. Everything you do is for your own benefit. You'll never do something for nothing."

"Persy-"

"Forget it. You're better off getting drunk with those Libertines, fucking preppy, tory girls and getting high in shit-stained bathrooms. Because, and I want you to engrave this in your mind the next time you ever think about approaching me again, I will never forgive you."

I could hear the fatal tone of a heart monitor flat-lining, its monotonous ring vibrated through the canals of my ears until I could no longer register anything but the sharp twist of my stomach.

•

I arrived at Lake Murphy at five twenty, taking the longer, more discrete route. I'd rather die than have people at school think I was hanging out with Persy.