ALL THE WORDS WE COULDN'T SAY

E I G H T

< mentions of sexual abuse >

What the fuck was I doing? Had I gone mad?

I was voluntarily accepting to play a game of vodka pong with Killian Hayes. If I'd known in hindsight that this would've been my fate I would've never agreed to come to this fucking party in the first place.

But what's done is done, and I couldn't back down from a challenge.

Since starting university, I've kept mostly to myself. On the rare occasions I decided to attend parties, my motivation was mainly for the free alcohol. I didn't indulge in party games, not that many people asked me to since a lot of them seemed to recognise me and the 'do not disturb' signs I displayed. Becoming (somewhat) friends with Sofia had now led me to accept this ridiculous challenge, mostly because I could tell she was eager to take Nathan up on his offer.

Killian froze in shock as his eyes met mine. A mass of unspoken - unspeakable - words passed between us. Why did it have to hurt so much?

We now stood opposite each other, nine cups holding shots of vodka were placed on either side. Sofia flipped a coin.

"Heads," I said.

"It's tails."

Nathan gave Killian the ping pong ball. I gave him a stern look, making sure he'd know to not dare to go easy on me. But judging from his slurred speech, he'd need all his effort anyway.

The game began.

The ball bounced in the centre of the table before plopping straight into the centre cup. Killian's face lit up in excitement, surprised by his own skill. Despite how much I missed that expression, I so badly wanted to slap it right off.

I took the shot.

"Go on. Pick someone." I didn't realise how strong this vodka was as I felt the words burn against my throat.

Killian looked around and picked a girl in a neon yellow dress. Nathan gave her a quick explanation. She looked me up and down before a smirk plastered across her face.

"I dare you to flash your tits to the next person that walks past you."

"Child's play."

It actually wasn't. But I'd rather die than admit that in front of Killian, whose face looked like he regretted choosing her. Good.

I waited until the next person walked past. It was a guy of all people. Why couldn't it be a girl?

I pulled his sleeve back so he'd face me. My back was turned to the others so they wouldn't be able to see, especially Killian.

"You wanna see my tits?" I asked, though it didn't really sound much like a question.

A flush of red crept up his neck. He seemed to know the type of person I was as he braced himself. "Urm sure, I guess."

I pulled up my t-shirt and bra in one lift. Something about the entire process felt exhilarating. Was it the way this random boy's eyes went wide with both shock and lust? Was it the way I could sense Killian stiffen unpleasantly?