criminal of hearts ; jaywon

twenty three.

a/n: hi everyone!! i missed you ~ here is just a very short filler (?) chapter for all of you before my next semester starts so we can explain what happens before the whole happy ending arc can start. the next few will probably be kinda short too! or not...we'll see where it goes.

anyhow, please enjoy! <33 this isn't my best writing at all bc i wrote this in a rush. there's kind of a lot of dialogue :')

 jungwon had absolutely no idea how he was going to sleep that night.

after jay had dropped him off, he made his way out of the car and up to his apartment with something resembling a small smile and a gratuitous attitude. he bowed to the three in the car, and decided not to say another word. what was there to say after such an experience?

there was that little promise he made in the car, but now that he had time, jungwon was wondering if he could truly keep that promise.

after all, he still had to come to terms with the fact that jay had killed kyungmin. yes, after all that had happened, jungwon still worried about that. he knew better than to blame jay for it, after all, he had killed him before they had met, but the whole point was that jay murdered the one person who ever made him feel like he mattered.

but even after that happened...jay became that person for him. not in place of kyungmin, per se, but continuing after him. jay was special to jungwon, that was for sure. but he couldn't just forgive him after what had happened, and after what he had promised kyungmin as well.

that night was full of tossing, turning, and useless attempts for jungwon to get comfortable. his head was just too full of the trauma of his recent experience, and how much the revelation of jay's secret life had hurt him. he wanted to keep jay in his life, he promised him that. but now that he was thinking about it, he didn't know if he could carry on with it.

he wanted to. he really really did. he couldn't repeat that or stress that enough. he didn't think he'd ever stop saying it in the effort to try and convince himself that his desire to just put the past behind him and be happy with jay again as if nothing had ever happened was enough for him to actually...well, do that.

should i text him? jungwon asked himself. or should i just ignore him for a while? but i already promised everything would be okay. i don't want to hurt him. but he hurt you! he killed kyungmin for christ's sake! but...jay hyung...i need to get my head in place and confirm how i really feel about this, but i really don't want to hurt him or leave him. sigh, why must things be so confusing for us?

jungwon spent another hour or so crying into his pillow, waking up with puffy eyes. 

----

jay wasn't doing so good himself.

was the appropriate response after an experience like traumatizing your boyfriend after you killed his best friend, lied to him for months, and both of you were in a situation where you could've almost died...texting him?