I'm Yours | DARKNESS SERIES #6 ✔️

Chapter 170 Liam's POV

I came out the bathroom to find my queen gone. I knew I should of just told her but how? I need to write this down.
I pull on boxers and my socks then grey jogging bottoms and a white t-shirt and my white sliders. Am not leaving the house unless I absolutely have too.
Walking out after spraying and grabbing my office keys I turn left at the bottom of the stairs and head towards my office. Unlocking the door and walking in, I lock the door behind me not wanting to be disturbed and go sit behind my desk.
Unlocking my top right draw I pull out my journal and pen and open it up to a blank page. I need. To get this out.

Fuck.. Fuck.. Fuck..
I don't know what to do with myself right now, I don't know what to think or say. The doctor has just told me that I can't have anymore babies.. The damage is unrepairable.. I told my Queen that she won't be carrying anymore babies but now I can't have anymore full stop. I feel like less of a man now, the crown on this King's head has slipped and I don't know if I'll ever be able to straighten it up and place it where it belongs! I feel useless and worthless.. Its like I've gone back in time to when I was out of control, alone and in so much fucking pain.. How do I tell my Queen? I can't see the look on her face.. I want to run and never turn back. I'm scared of her reaction.. We could always have another Mya, another mini her from my Queen. Just no more Ruby's, Hunter's or Tyler's.. No more of my dna running around.. Fuck! This is depressing.. I want more babies, I've always wanted as many as possible, I need to get this out but how? Writing this down isn't fucking working!! I can't talk to my Queen, I can't tell anyone else. Fuck.. Fuck.. Fuck.. I don't want to put Jason is an uncomfortable situation by telling him, especially with how close he has become with my wife. Everything feels ruined. I've ruined it all, no one else just me for fuck sake. How can I feel better? Will I feel better? I doubt it right now because I feel like I'm in a dark deep hole with no way of getting out.. I'm so sorry that this is happening but I have no control over it! Which I fucking hate!! I'm supposed to be Liam fucking Johnson! And I feel like a nobody, a waste of time and energy.. I need help but I don't know how or who to turn too.. Stacey knows something is up, like she always does and I'm nervous as fuck to see her again. I'm dreading it in fact. This is not me.. This is not the new improved me. I'm more like the old me, which I haven't missed at all.. I hope and pray that I can snap out of this as soon as possible. I have too. I need too for the sake of my family.. Fuck!!

I slam my pen down not feeling any better and tell out a roar as I stand up ready to smash this whole place apart. I hit my hand on the desk and drop back into my chair putting my head in my arms on my desk and just cry. What's the point in anything. She's gonna run a mile when I tell her this news and who could blame her, I'll never be able to give her what she wants. No more!
"Fuckkkk!" I yell loud as the streams of tears fall down my face and it just won't stop now I've started and I just let it all out. All the pempted up shit I've felt for awhile and just cry.
"Why fucking me mum, why is this happening to me? I nearly lost my queen and now she's gonna leave me. For good this time" I cry as I wipe at my face harshly not getting anything back.
"Fuckkkk! What's the point!!" I yell out hitting my head on the desk.
I can't be like this. I need to snap out of it. But I can't tell her. Not yet, I can't see that look I'm dreading in her eyes. I need to think of something and quick. She isn't gonna accept my silence for much longer. My sexy fiesty wife. I love it but right now I can't handle it. Think of something already Liam. The casino. Yeah..
I sit up now my crying has stopped and wipe my face annoyed it came to that. Fucking crying, I hate it!
I stand up and take a few deep breaths before walking to the door. I spin the lock and open the door to see my queen sitting on the floor leaning against the wall wiping her tears.
"Baby, why you crying?" I ask her crouching down and she looks up at me through teary eyes.
"Do you not like me anymore?" she asks and I drop to my knees. I did this by rejecting her. Fuckkkkk! I scream at myself.
I lift her up and kiss her with everything I have and try forget about the doctors appointment.
"You are the sexiest women I've ever seen and you damn well know that Stacey Johnson" I tell her in my boss voice and she looks up at me blinking away her tears.
"Good because your rejection hurt something differently" she says and I sigh. I know because it killed me saying no.
"Let me make it up to you queenie" I say kissing her neck and grabbing her ass. I need to do this for her. For us. She can't leave me. Never.