Moyurakhkhi's Cigarettes

35| Sour

On the night of the wedding, I missed Abbu a lot. I'd started missing him before he even left. And I missed MS. Then Debasish.

Surprising myself, I didn't miss Sahal at all.

The feeling of not missing him was cold and bitter in my mouth.

I met my own eyes in the mirror. All dolled up in a salmon lehenga, paired with an ornate set of shiny earrings and necklace. Oh, and my glittery white pencil heels. It was pitiful to be sad while looking so beautiful.

But I couldn't shake off the sadness as I made my way out into the front yard, Fizz by my side. Like the holud night, the yard was decked up, something of a forlorn bride of its own, knowing that things would change for her forever soon.

Some of the cousins complimented us, and I barely looked at them, forcing a smile or two. After around 30 minutes of half-heartedly posing for selfies, I was suffocating in the crowd, even though I was on the sidelines.

I needed to get out, fast. Just then, the groom's cars started arriving at the gate, distracting Fizz and everyone else.

I went out to the backyard. There were two neem trees on either side, and a long bamboo bench, a macha. Beyond the tall brick wall in front of us were miles of mustard flower fields. A cool breeze carried forth songs from that nameless village river kissing their edges, a song like a painful smile.

The soil below my heels was uneven. A twinkling light caught my eye near the middle of the yard, and in my curiosity I stepped into a dip in the soil. "Holy fuck!" I gasped as I tripped, and the twinkling light shone on me.

The light pink punjabi Togor wore suited him.

"Oh, it's you," he said softly, lowering his phone's flashlight. He was sitting on the bamboo bench.

"Yeah," I said, grabbing the neem tree and putting myself upright. I hobbled over to him, noticing a book on his lap.

"What is that?" The words tumbled out of my mouth, feeling like I should've given it more thought before opening my mouth.

He didn't seem to mind.

"Manga."

"Ooh, what's the name? I've always wanted to try manga and, like, anime," I said, plopping down beside him, making the macha creak loudly.

"Eden of the East," he said. "I got it from an online shop."

We talked about it for a while, and read a few pages, until his phone died and plunged us into darkness.

"Turn on your flashlight," he said.

"No way, I still need my battery to take more selfies," I replied, surprising myself with my enthusiasm. 

We talked for a while about our interests, badminton, and most importantly, about which of my relatives we hated the most. It was fun. Until he asked about my dad.

Carambola trees stood on either side of the macha and many ripe starfruits had fallen on the ground. I picked up a greenish, slightly orange one. It was juicy, but sour.

I told him how my relationship with Abbu was complicated, and after a moment's pause, he said it was the same for him. "I work for him, you know. I'll sit at this cyber cafe he owns for hours after school, only to go home to see him fighting with my older brother. My brother is a pothead, by the way. That's always fun," he said drily.

"It must be hard for you," I said, tentatively reaching for his hand. "They must have very high expectations for you then."

"I'm used to it."

"Doesn't mean it can't still hurt," I said, and in one motion his hand was in mine. He looked up at me, and I realised that Togor was actually pretty hot. He had a strong jawline, and cupid-bow lips that looked very soft.

He smiled. I became very aware of his hand on mine as he shook his head. "I'm sorry, I'm just rambling. I've never spoken about this to anyone before-"

"You're not rambling," I said softly. 

He nodded. "You must have a lot of friends," he said, looking down at our entwined hands.

"How do you figure that?"

He let out an unsure laugh. "Because you're...nice and everything. You're a good listener."

"Now that I think about it, I only have two close friends now - my cousin Fauzia, and my neighbour Kabbo. We're also fake dating, haha. What about you?"

"Wow. Um, I have just one really good friend, I guess. The rest are all online."

I felt his gaze on me and looked up. "You're staring, Togor."

He seemed to have great difficulty in opening his mouth. But he finally did. I- you look really pretty."

I smiled, and even though it was dark I saw him flush. Embarrassed, he shot up from the bench. "We- I should go. They're gonna start eating without us."

I got up too and, having forgotten that my shoe was broken, I clumsily crashed into Togor. His hands were around me, trying to hold me steady.

"Woah, sorry," he said.

I snorted. "What are you saying sorry for?"

I wasn't thinking a lot. I fell into his chest and my head buried itself into his neck. He smelled like salt. I loved how relieving it was, how my body responded eagerly to being pressed up against a boy, and how good it felt to feel attraction and not love. Oh yes. Love is a burden, it's an axe in your chest. I'm tired of carrying around so much love.

"Will you go out with me?"

There was a silence, and I felt him relaxing against me. He rested his cheek against my hair and breathed me in.

"You bet," he said. His voice trembled, like mist falling from the night.

-

"...Togor? You asked out Togor?"

"Yeah."

Head tilted back in the bus seat, I loved the wind hitting my face like a whip. Outside, the night was blurry as we sped along the highway towards Dhaka.

Fizz ran her hand over her face. "Why?"

"What do you mean why? I like him."

"You don't like him."

"I like him!" I said, sitting upright defensively.

"Uff- why?"

"He's cute," I whined.

Fizz pursed her lips and slowly let out a breath. "Yeah, but since when do you like a guy for only his looks?"

"There's loads more, he's cool, he likes manga-"

"You bully me for watching anime-

"I like being around him! He likes me too and he gets me, I think."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I like how I can be a little insane around him, and he doesn't mind."

Fizz studied me, then put her head on my shoulder and held my hand. "I hope you guys will be good for each other."

We were crossing the Jamuna bridge now. Below us was a dark mass of water, barely visible in the dark. As we neared the shore, I could see scintillating white lights from the towers there.

It was hard to believe them to be anything but fallen stars. I remembered that view for the rest of my life.

-

What do you guys think of the story so far? Where do you think this is going? I would love to hear your thoughts, so comment below! And don't forget to vote <33