Moyurakhkhi's Cigarettes

37| Latte

February 1st, Day 246

"We will be holding mock interviews for you next week. You've each been given a sheet of sample interview questions. Form pairs, and help each other practice."

The five of us nominees had been asked to stay back after school. As I immediately turned to Fizz, the VP protested, "No, no. I know you and Fauzia will get no work done. Sahal, pair up with Moyurakhkhi for this activity, will you?"

"Ma'am I-" I started, but her sharp gaze met me like a needle meets a balloon: I deflated.

Sahal beckoned for me to move near the window. We silently dragged our chairs to the side.

"Hi, what's up," I quipped, sitting down.

"I'm good, how about you?"

"I'm good. too, alhamdulillah."

He ran his hand through his hair, huffing. "Aight, let's begin. Question 1 - what are your career goals?"

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Oh, great. Now he's gonna think I'm dumb. I bit the inside of my cheek. The cold streams of air from the AC bit my skin, further distracting me. "Um, I want to be an author, I guess."

"You know you're going to have to give them a more detailed answer, right?" he gave me a serious look.

I nodded, biting my lip. "Okay, how would you answer it?"

He sucked in a breath. "Currently, I'm looking to work alongside environment workers who, like me, are passionate about bringing change. This will help me cultivate the skills I need for my long-term goals, which include but are not limited to research, execution of government-funded projects and activism."

"Woah, that was amazing, what the hell."

He smiled formally. It was the kind of smile he reserved for strangers.

"Alright, I'm just gonna listen to your answers so I know what to say. Question 2 - tell us about your work experiences, if any," I asked.

"I'm enthusiastic about teaching, which is why I've been tutoring a batch of students-"

"You're tutoring? Since when?" I blurted out, immediately biting my tongue.

We held uneasy eye contact for a second. He was the first to look away. "Um, yeah. Just a couple of months. I've also completed half of my internship at Green Dhaka. It's a growing NGO working to lessen pollution in Dhaka."

"That's nice."

I asked him a few more questions, and the queasiness in my stomach subsided after a while. Sahal's tight grip on his prep was impressive, as well as daunting. I needed to step up my game, and fast. The interview was less than 2 months away.

After the VP dismissed us, Fizz and I were getting into the car when Sahal jogged up to us.

"You forgot your question sheet," he said, waving the piece of paper at me.

He smiled at Fizz, who was sitting inside the car, as I took it from him.

He got to the car door first, holding it open for me.

"Bye," I said softly, sliding into the car.

I might've been thinking a lot, yet I barely felt anything when I was with him.

But on the way home, it hit me that nothing could make up for the gaping hole Sahal had left in my heart. I'd hated him before I'd even met him, and a part of me loved him long after I'd left him. I could entertain all the distractions I wanted, but at the end of the day, I was empty inside.

That year, flowers bloomed in my balcony. Cuckoos called, mournful, soulful.

But spring didn't dare enter my room.

March 10, Day 283

"Moyurakhkhi? Moyurakhkhi!"

I was thinking about what I'd do if I got chosen to go to London besides Sahal. Everyone was pretty sure that Sahal was going - he'd crafted a killer resume that stood out the most. So if I was going, odds were, we'd have to be together.

I let go of the straw that I was mindlessly stirring my latte with. "What's up?"

Togor's enquiring gaze searched my face for clues. "You seem kind of distant. Everything alright at home?"

I closed my eyes, massaging my eyelids with both hands. The aroma of coffee that hung in the air of our favourite cafe did little to soothe me. "No, it's just that I'm kinda stressed out about the- uh, scholarship.

He grabbed my hands. "Then let's forget about the scholarship for a while. Tell me about what music you've been listening to. I found this great new metal band you'll love."

"Actually, I've been listening to, um, jazz recently," I muttered. I wasn't proud of it. I'd gone back to the playlist of songs Sahal had sent me and once I started, I couldn't stop. I'd been listening to it on repeat on the way to school.

"That's cool. Which one's your favourite?" He asked. He was trying.

"Dance With Me Tonight. It's from the movie Music & Lyrics," I smiled weakly.

"Are you mad at me?" he blurted out, making me choke on the latte.

"What? No, why would you say that?!"

Togor's hand rose to comb his hair. He sighed, looking bitter. "Why haven't you been texting me first in like, two weeks? And you take much longer than before to respond. You practically never receive my calls," his voice was very loud now, and very hoarse.

I was too surprised to say anything. He raged on: "I feel like I'm the only one who puts any effort into this relationship. When you don't text me, I feel like you don't even care. Do you even want me, Moyurakhkhi?"

"Woah, woah," I raised my hands. "Slow down. Don't shout at me." Togor noticed the people around us who were staring and put a pause to his hail of words. "Just give me a second to process this. So what you're saying is that me not texting first has been bothering you, correct?"

He nodded.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, I really didn't mean to. We will work on it. But did you really need to yell at me just now?"

He stared at his lap. "Sorry. I- I'm working on it, I swear."

I squeezed his hand. "Fine. And I realise that I haven't been that communicative recently. Think you can cut me some slack though? There's the scholarship application eating me alive, and my freaking A2s are in three months! I'm so swamped with work that I barely get 4 hours of sleep every night. "

Togor held on tighter to my hand.

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