Moyurakhkhi's Cigarettes

44| Sweet

When we finally reached the campus, it was 8:30.

Thanking Bokkor Uncle, I stumbled out of the car. The only sign of the Monsoon Festival was the remnants of stalls and empty deck tables. No people. No Sahal.

An anchor slowly pulled my heart down to the depths of darkness.

I stepped across the school grounds towards the thrumming music coming from inside. The ground underneath my sneakers was slippery with mud. I half-wished it would swallow me up.

In the school cafeteria, there weren't a lot of people, but the lights were down and there was good music and food. People danced and laughed.

I couldn't spot Sahal, but I found Fizz slow dancing with Michael. I pulled her away to one side. She was pelting me with worried questions.

"Fizz, shh! I'll explain everything later on! Just tell me where Sahal is," I said.

"Sahal? Well he just left like five minutes ago- are you okay?"

The hollowness was so heavy in my chest that I could barely say anything. He was gone.

 I told her to meet me outside so that we could go home.

The music and the people were so annoying now, so bland. I trudged back out into the night. I sat down on the damp stairs, putting my head in my hands.

 I felt migraine spreading across my forehead like an expanding thorn bush. I kneaded it with my knuckles, frustratedly swiping away at salty tears.

What should I do? Going to his house was absolutely out of the question. I wouldn't even make it before 12 in this traffic.

Even if I couldn't call him, I supposed I could text him. I had no idea how to say what I wanted to say on text. I felt sure I was going to mess it up even more.

"Moyurakhkhi, is that you?"

My heart jolted at the familiar voice.

I looked up, and sure enough, it was him.

"I thought you were gone," I croaked.

"Yeah, but I forgot my raincoat. I came back to pick it up," Sahal said, stifling a yawn with the back of his hand. "What are you doing here? Party's pretty much over."

Leaning on the red-brick wall, I stood myself upright.

"I was looking for you, actually."

Puzzled, he swung around his Vespa keys on his finger. "What's up? Did you decide on London?"

"No, um, I broke up with Togor," I said, sniffing.

A look of surprise flashed across his face. "You what?"

"Yeah, last week. I never got to tell you."

"Well, I'm sorry for you," he said, and maybe it was wishful thinking, but he did not look very sorry. He looked the opposite of sorry.

"I mean, you know, I- it wasn't fair to him," I said, stroking my shivering arm. My face felt hot and flushed at the same time. "I, uh, I happen to be in love with somebody else. I have been, for a very long time."

His eyes widened but he didn't let on anything else. "Wow, okay..."

He hasn't changed his mind about me, has he?

My heart trembled, clenched in my chest.

Sahal looked at me like he expected me to say something. He stood in front of his Vespa with his hands in his pockets, and I tentatively took a step closer.

"You know, I just- I just never saw it coming, you know? It was like someone pulled out the earth from beneath my feet. It scared me, Sahal."

He tilted his head. "Never saw what coming?"

I let out a breath. "The fact that I was falling for you," I said, trembling. "It's you, Sahal. It was always, always you."

He looked away, sighed and scratched his head. "It's raining again," he said. It was true. In the yellow light of the sodium lamppost, the red-brick driveway of our school started dampening. I could feel raindrops falling on my head too. But I didn't care.

I saw him hesitating and looking around, and my heart fell. "You- you don't feel the same way, do you?"

He sighed again. "No, it's not that. I want to believe you, I do, but I just- if you're only doing this because it's your deadline for the cigarettes thing-"

"Oh god, no," I said desperately, grasping at his arm. "Sahal, no. Yes, it's the last day and yes I rushed here because of that. But I would tell you this regardless of any of that. I wanted to tell you. I have been dying to tell you," I whimpered like a wounded deer.

His gaze softened, and his hand found mine. I looked down at our intertwined fingers and hope ignited in my heart once again.

"So?" I asked.

"Hmm?"

"Do you still want to - you know?"

"Know what?"

I groaned. "Sahal, come on dude. I need an answer from you! Three months later, we're going to be living in London together." I faltered when he stepped forward, cupped my cheek with his hand and smiled.

He stroked my flushed cheek, its coolness welcome. I closed my eyes and leaned sideways into it as he swiped the blotted tears and raindrops away.

Sahal rested his forehead against mine, heat seeping from his skin. The comfort of it was much welcome as I shivered in the increasingly fervent rain. I let my trembling fingers dance over the freckles on his cheek. It felt so...good. So right.

He lifted his head, and I waited, but he didn't lean in. My eyelids fluttered open, and when our eyes met, he allowed me a gentle, infectious smile. He pulled me in, flush against him. The sweet scent of his cucumber soap disarmed me completely. Fulfilling. Ensnaring.

"Here, have your answer," he said. His lashes curling the sodium light, he pressed his lips to mine, all at once.

The thrill of kissing him dizzied me, and the warmth of his embrace kept me steady. His mouth tasted of something sweet, maybe our canteen roshogolla. It claimed mine in rhythmic movements, slow and mellow in its gentle sin.

In the evening rain, the aroma of kodom trees spread in waves. I blossomed against Sahal like those kodom flowers, parting my lips. The rain was fast and biting now, dashing against the damp ground. He delved into me the same way. 

After quite a lot of making out, when we tore apart, both of us were soaked in the rain.

Sahal swept away the wet hair clinging to my forehead, and looked at me with such pure adoration that I melted even more into his arms.

"Just for the record," I said, resting my head against his chest, "you do love me too, right?"

"You idiot," he scolded gently. "Yes, of course, I love you. I've been in love with you for like, a year. I thought that was pretty clear from how hard I just kissed you."

I grinned up at him. "Maybe you should've kissed me harder."

We locked eyes, and erupted into giggles. Loud, silly, untroubled giggles that only we could hear. That belonged to lovers.

And then, he kissed me harder.

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