Boxed In

Facing the Music

On my fourth day of captivity, they took me out. The morning was quiet, but I didn't go to breakfast, and I didn't eat the food they brought in.
It had been a few days since I ate anything, and I hadn't realized how hungry I was until they called for lunch. I was a bit surprised when they told me to collect my things— a ratty gym bag and the clothes I had switched out— and go with them.
I went quietly; I'd been placid for a while. At least, a while considering how easy it was for me to snap. I felt like a taught rubber band all the time.
Two orderlies flanked me as I followed the back of the line. There were six girls, and four boys. And me.
Nobody made a spectacle about me joining the line, so I was guessing they had given me clearance to be released from isolation.
I couldn't decide whether it was pleasant, though completely unexpected. It didn't take long to come to a neutral standpoint; I didn't care either way.
They led us through a winding hallway of lefts and rights until we entered a sad excuse of a cafeteria. They had long tables with stools connected, and two napkin holders on each of the three tables.
The orderlies stationed themselves at the door and let us pick our seats. It seemed that most of the girls were friends with each other, or at least as much of a friend as one can be in a psych ward.
The boys sat off in their little group, occasionally mingling with the girls. I sat at the opposite table, picking at my tray of food. It was something that I could only assume was meatloaf. The chatter was giving me a headache, so I shut them out.
I was startled out of my own thoughts by a girl. She had escaped from her posse to come bother me.
She held a bright smile and a worn out brown teddy bear with no eyes. She held it like a psychosomatic limb. Despite her demeanor, I couldn't help but frown; she was looking at me like a shiny new toy.
"You're the girl from the Box, right?" she inquired with that smile.
I blinked. Definitely BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder was common in kids my age, just like being bipolar. The Box was what they called the Isolation Unit.
I just nodded and went back to picking at my food.
"I heard they were letting you out today."
I gave her an incredulous look. Obviously I'm out already.
She sighed and shook her head. "Sorry. I'm going about this the wrong way."
I took her pause as a chance to study her features more. She had an acne-ridden face, but not enough to make her unattractive. She was definitely prettier than me. Her skin tone reminded me of coffee with extra cream, except for a few white spots that splotched around her eyes. Her hair was really frizzy, but it fell past her shoulders in loose black ringlets.
"I'm Korinne, but you can call me Koi. Like the fish, y'know, 'cause of the vitiligo." She pointed to her eye as if it weren't obvious.
I nodded again. "Dez."
She the tables weren't that wide, so she was close enough to see the dark rings around my eyes from restless nights. The room had a separate shower room, so I washed up every night. But the hair products they supplied made my hair stringy and unappealing. Not that it mattered that much. Just a month ago my hair hung down to my back. But I slipped into a depression, and didn't find the energy to keep up with my hair anymore, so I chopped it all off. It barely went past my ears now.
"That's a cool name. So, how was it in there? Must be hard being by yourself for that long."
I ground my teeth to keep my patience. BPD patients usually lacked cognitive empathy and had major attachment issues. It explained the invasive questions, and the teddy bear.
"It wasn't hard. I liked in in there." I picked a piece off my bread roll and shoved it in my mouth. "I like being by myself."
Koi seemed to ponder this for a moment. "Well, I guess that makes sense. At least you get your own bathroom."
I decided I liked her. Though she seemed to draw attention like a magnet. I made a point to be quiet everywhere I went, to disappear. Hiding in plain sight. Koi didn't talk loud, but within the quiet walls, her voice echoed. The other kids had stopped their conversations to listen in on ours.
My immediate instinct was to shut down and disappear. But i that was near impossible, so I straightened my back and turned to face them.
The room filled with the sounds of creaking stools with how fast they turned back around.
I turned back to Koi, who was staring at the rest of the kids.
She looked at me with an odd smile.
"C'mon. I'll introduce you."