The Unspoken Vow

Chapter Nine

Nyah

I don't think I've ever been this nervous, but trying on a wedding dress made me feel things I wasn't expecting. Sure, I've been waiting for this my entire life but who would've thought it would be such an emotional experience?
"Come along, Nyah, don't make us wait." My mother said, impatiently, her voice clear and final. Having been away from her for a while made me realize just how demanding she was.
"Ok," I murmured, taking a deep breath.
I walked out in the fifth dress I've tried on today and looked at my mother expectantly, then at Eliana who was about to burst, her mouth clamped shut.
"No," My mother said. "It doesn't look good, try another,"
Her words stabbed through me. Eliana sighed an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes at my mother's comment, propping her chin on her hand, her arm resting on the side of the soft velvet couch they sat on now.
We were in one of the most prestigious wedding gown shops in this entire town and it was the most beautiful shop I've ever been to, with large mirrors, a platform in front of them for the bride to look at herself through. Endless rows or wedding dresses in all sizes, lengths and shades of white. The large windows at the front gave a view of the busy street where passersby looked into the store at the glamorous dresses displayed at the front.
Before I could respond, my mother's phone began to ring, she pulled it out of her purse and answered immediately. "Yes, honey?" she asked, standing up.
Even though the phone wasn't on speaker, my father's voice could be heard, demanding her to come home.
"Ok, ok, I'm leaving now," she said, then ended the call. "I need to leave, don't choose that, Nyah, it's hideous on you." she looked at me then at Eliana who gave her a fake smile.
We waited for her to leave the shop before we even looked at each other.
"I don't know how you put up with her for twenty five years," she said, standing up.
"Eliana-" she pulled me into a hug, she had always been a hugger. The gesture reminded me of her outburst yesterday and now that we were here, by ourselves, it took everything in me not to talk about what happened. Her sudden outburst, of course, not the thing that happened after that.
I felt myself heat up at the memory.
"You looked good in every single dress you tried on today, she's delusional and she just wants to make you hate yourself." She mumbled against my shoulder, reeling me back to the present.
"Thank you," I grinned when she pulled back.
She returned the smile. "Do you feel good in this dress?" She asked.
"I think it's the best one," I whispered, trying to tramp down my excitement, pushing away my mother's negative comments, reminding myself that this was my wedding not hers.
"Me too," she squealed. "Go look in the big mirrors, Nyah, you look like heaven." She said, fluffing the skirt around me as I stood on the small platform before the grand, gold trimmed mirrors.
I gasped at seeing it in full view. The dress was more beautiful than anything I've ever worn and I felt the sting of tears behind my eyes as I stared at myself.
"Nyah, I think I'm gonna cry," Eliana sobbed. I turned to her, whose face was already wet with tears, and that did it for me. Before I knew it, we were holding each other and crying our hearts out, saying non intelligible things while jumping up and down in a circle.
That was probably the most embarrassing thing we've ever done in years.
When the salesperson walked in, Eliana and I burst into a fit of laughter at the realization of how stupid we looked.
"I see you like this dress," the small petite lady grinned.
"I do," I smiled, wiping away the tears. "I really do,"

~~~

    "Oh my goodness, that was the first time I've ever rebelled against my mother," I began as we walked into the house. "I can't believe I just did that, I bought the dress she told me not to buy."
    "It's your wedding Nyah, not hers. Her opinion doesn't really matter right now." Eliana said, her words having an edge to them. She's never liked my parents, but there was something else this time, something was truly bothering her.
    I studied her for a second. "What's wrong?" I asked her.
    She turned, meeting my eyes. "Nothing's wrong, I just never really liked the way your parents treated you, it never made sense to me,"
Curse her for being such a good liar, I almost believed that was the whole reason.
    I nodded but wasn't satisfied with that answer, knowing Eliana the way I did, I knew not to push it but remembering her sudden burst of anger from yesterday made me want to keep asking her questions. Not only did she smell like weed then, which was a substance  she's never used before, but I have never seen her that angry either, especially not at Ivan.
I was worried more than anything, but maybe it was the side effects of the drug?
"So, what's up with you and Ivan?" She asked, looking down at her nails, steering the conversations away from her and I cursed her again because I was now distracted by the sudden butterflies that began to flutter low in my belly. "Maria told me, near tears by the way, that she saw the both of you having sex in her kitchen." She said, smiling deviously.
"We were not having sex!" I exclaimed, feeling my cheeks flush.
"Okayyyyy," she said, elongating the word with an exaggerated eye roll.
Why, out of all the things she could bring up, did she bring this up? I scolded Maria silently, then took it back because she was such a sweet lady, but how could she do that to me? Telling my best friend about something that happened in private!
"The wedding's coming along pretty well, isn't it? I think the venue is perfect, Nyah." She grinned, changing the subject again, sensing the discomfort the topic brought me. If she could tell I was blushing, she didn't mention it.
I allowed myself to think about the wedding. It was fast approaching, with only two weeks left, I couldn't help my anxiety and excitement for the day to come.
I could imagine it now, the beach as a backdrop, while the sun was setting, me walking towards Ivan, who for some reason, I was beginning to think about. A lot. After the kitchen incident and when he kissed me during the engagement party, I realized two things; first, every time he touched me, I had zero control over my body and I just let him have me. Which, I didn't want to admit, was actually very pleasing. The second realization was whenever I was in his arms, I felt safe. Everytime his hands were on me, I felt like nothing could harm me in this world. The thought gave me goosebumps because in all the years of knowing Ivan, I never thought him capable of making me feel safe.
I knew that his siblings trusted him, and rightfully so but I wasn't part of his family and thought that it made me no different from everyone else, but god, was I wrong. So damn wrong, because now, with every glance we shared, I felt a wave of comfort, a safe haven I've never felt before, not even with Eliana and she was my best friend for fuck's sake.
Why was Ivan making me feel like this? Was I so derived from love growing up that a slight show of affection made me feel all sorts of feelings I was unfamiliar with? What the hell was happening to me? He's kissed me twice, so what? Just because I was feeling things, it didn't mean he was too. Fuck, he's probably just lusting over me and why did that bother me? I was the one who begged him to marry me, shouldn't I be okay with him fucking me?
"You're making a face," Eliana grinned, looking at me sideways.
"No, I'm not, Lia, stop making things up," I snapped.
"Mhm. You are totally crushing on my self centered, idiotic brother who's the rudest to everyone else but you," she rolled her eyes. "How does it feel to be God's favorite?"
Even though the words 'the rudest to everyone else but you' made my heart flutter a little, I couldn't make myself hope that Ivan Volkov could ever fall in love with me.