Permanently Forever | JavaJunkie ✔️

05 | skating (like kerri strung)

luke wanted to stay the night, but lorelai didn't want him to get any closer. after insisting he stay because somebody needed to look after her, she capitulated and didn't say a single word about what was going on with her. he deserved to know and she understood that, but he also understood that she needed time. if they could make an agreement, that was all that mattered.

so he stayed up watching her until she fell asleep. it was a hard job. he had to wake up early to get to luke's on time, so he had to go to bed early as well. even though lorelai had to wake up early everyday to get to the inn, she never did. she ran on ten cups of coffee, after all. finally, at around one in the morning, lorelai fell into a slumber with tears still in her eyes and with her head aching like there was no tomorrow. luke managed to stay awake for around fifteen minutes after that, but once he was confident she was asleep, he hit the hay too.

a few weeks had gone by, and lorelai still hadn't told luke or hinted about it at all. she managed to keep it a secret from the whole town, and everyone knew that that task in itself was difficult. but she was lorelai gilmore. she talked too much without thinking. so it was a surprise that two weeks later, no one else ever knew except for her, rory, emily, richard, and whoever emily called to spread the big news.

today, lorelai was alone at the house. she didn't have to go to work, rory was at school, and luke was at the diner busy serving customers.

but she didn't want to go to the diner. firstly, if she wanted coffee, she would probably have to order a lighter kind if she wanted to consume more than one cup a day. lorelai knew damn well the strong coffee she was drinking couldn't be good for the baby—even if she wanted to keep it or not.

she went to the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror. normally she'd say she looked like an angel that came down from heaven. that's because she did. but today, she saw nothing like an angel in the mirror. her dark brown hair was a curly frizzy mess, and her skin sagged on her face very unnaturally. she had dark bags under her eyes and her eyes were still swollen. lorelai didn't want anybody to know that she was still crying almost every night. she couldn't help it, though. her life could be ruined by saying two words to luke.

she sighed, touching her face lightly with her fingers and picking up the skin that was sagging. it wasn't like that a few weeks ago. she would've noticed if that were the case.

hesitating, she lifted her shirt and faced the door so that her side could be shown in front of the mirror. there was a small little bump that was visible underneath her shirt and could be covered with any kind of shirt—unless it was tight. but that was besides the point. the fetus inside of her was growing and it scared her more than it should. it meant when time would run out, she would have no choice but to tell everyone she loved. she would have to watch them waste away from her life, and then she'd have to start all over again.

she looked at her belly for a while in the mirror. there was an urge in the front of her mind to just place her hand there and shield the little bean that was her child from the outside world. she want to so bad, but she couldn't. how could she?

so instead, lorelai walked out of the room quickly, pulling her shirt down and walked out the door, unsure where she was going. but everyone knew that if lorelai was caught walking around in stars hollow, she was most likely going to the place where they served the best coffee around.

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"how're you feeling?" luke smiled once he saw lorelai walk into the diner. he wasn't expecting to see her anywhere except the house, so it came a surprise to him to see her there.