All I Ask of You

Chapter 32

In the middle of the night, I woke to a fussy Gisele crying. She was growing up so fast. A beautiful albeit painful smile was growing in. We spent a lot of time rocking with her chewing on a cool rag to soothe her teething pain.

After I got Gisele back to sleep, I decided to search for my troubled husband. He hadn't come to bed after our fight which was unusual, so I anxiously searched for him.

It was clear to me from an era where mental health was a priority that he needed professional help, but there was no one in this day in age that would truly be trained to handle his mental illness. These were the days of using phrenology and God-forbid lobotomies.

I slowly approached his music room where he sat weeping. His shoulders shook, and he gasped for air between his sobs. I watched him for a few moments before I approached him, "Erik," I said softly, so as not to startle him, "Come to bed."

"Come here," he mouthed through a sob.

I sat down next to him on his organ bench and he put his arm around me, "Erik, I know this adjustment hasn't been easy on you, and I'm sorry for what I said earlier."

He nodded as sobs still shook his whole body, "Caroline," he choked, "You must know how much I love you. You must. I couldn't bare you believing any differently."

"And I love you."

"I'm sorry I've been difficult lately. I've just been tormented by so many things."

"Like what, darling?"

He hesitated, and my jealousy sensor was immediately set off. I saw his answer in his eyes, "It's her, isn't it? That little bitch strikes again. When will you see that she never loved you? When will you see that I'm the one that's given you unconditional love through it all?" I stood up and stormed off angrily, "I can't keep doing this. Erik. This is going to kill me. I just can't."

My hormones were getting the best of me, but he deserved that.

After all of the commotion, Gisele was crying again, so I went to her. As I was walking away, Erik's quivering voice yelled back to me, "You will never understand. Will you? I'm not your fairy tale... whatever it is. I'm real, and this marriage is real, and our daughter is real. If you hate it so much, leave!"

I woke in Gisele's nursery and went downstairs where Erik sat at his organ, "Good morning," I said quietly.

"Morning," he stood and took Gisele off of me. When she was in his arms, he lit up looking at her. He spoke to her softly, and she cooed in response. It was like looking at a completely different person.

"Erik," I cleared my throat, "maybe we can talk now that we're both calm?"

"I was calm last night. You were not."

"Okay. That doesn't matter now. I want to talk to you." I reached for his hand, and he jumped for a moment, "Erik, everything that's happened... Let's move on. Let's forget all of it. We had built a beautiful life together before Gisele was born. Where did we go wrong?"

The Erik that I knew and loved slowly returned as I spoke, "You were happy with our life?"

"Yes, I was. Then Christine came back and I thought you regretted ever marrying me."

His eyes dropped to the floor, "Never. Christine saw me as her Angel. You saw me as a man. I guess I worried that the novelty of me and this new world would wear off, and you would leave me."

"Never," I whispered while tears threatened to fall from my eyes, "Erik, why are you wearing your mask again?"

He looked sheepishly, "In my recent episodes, I've made it worse," he gestured toward his face.

"I don't want to push you, but when you are ready, I would like you to stop wearing the mask around our home."

He nodded.

"Erik, I have something else to tell you."

"Anything my dear."

"Erik, how much do you love Gisele?"

"More than anything. More than I could've ever imagined."

I took his free hand and placed it on my stomach. His eyes widened knowing what I meant.

His eyes welled with happy tears, and he began to laugh. In that moment, I saw my Erik come back to me.