Beauty and The Beast - A Bboing Fanfic

A Promise

~ Beast ~ 

I remember it well that I was sobbing in her arms. I never had anyone to hug me when I used to get traumatic attacks from the rain. I felt terrible that she had to see me that way, but I felt relieved when she patted me on the back. She said she would never leave me alone, which wasn't possible. But I fooled myself into believing it. She kept me in her embrace and I was surprised that it didn't need my medicines to put me to sleep. 

The next thing I remember was that I had a dream. More than a dream, it was the recollection of my past. So we can call it a nightmare. 

"He was unconscious for a week after we got him to the hospital, but when he woke up, he became hysteric," I recalled my nurse telling the psychiatrist who had come to treat me in the hospital after I was rescued.

"It's okay, I will take care of him," she said and took me with her to her trauma rehabilitation center. 

I recall being unruly and impatient. I would either cry or scream. If anyone tried to talk to me or come near me, sometimes I got scared, and sometimes I tried to harm them. Of course, I missed my father and cried for him every single day. But my emotions were not in control. I would get annoyed, frustrated, traumatized, and angry.

My doctor slowly treated me with therapy and medicines. I even started having some control over myself, but it would all go waste after having a rain spell and I had to start everything again. It was a vicious cycle and the only way I could end it was to stop having any feelings at all. 

"Inguk-ah, are you sure you can manage things on your own?" asked my doctor when I decided to leave the rehab. I don't remember how old I was but I was still a child. I wanted to go back to the place where I lived with my father and start my life there.

"Yes, I can, I feel no emotions anymore, other than being scared of the rain," I said confidently. I knew I had a lot of challenges to face, but I didn't want to keep hiding.

 "Are you sure that there's nothing in the world that could bring any strong emotions back to you?" she asked skeptically. 

"I'm sure, there's nothing, I will live only by logic," I said. 

My doctor smiled at me as if she knew I was going to fail someday.

"Son, there's one thing you should always be careful about, if you repress your feelings for too long, it can cause inexplicable side effects," she said with concern. 

"I will deal with them," I said. 

"I know you can, but only as long as your emotions are in control. The day your feelings come back all at once, you might not be able to decide what's right or wrong," she explained. 

Her words made me worried. I never wanted to harm anyone, and that's why I decided on a set of rules for myself. I always had them in my mind to decide what was right and what was wrong. I never judged anything purely by instinct or my feelings. It somehow helped me to achieve success. 

But being ideal in theory doesn't necessarily mean that you would never hurt anyone. I slowly became so obsessed with myself that I ended up being a Beast anyway. A beast who would crush anyone who came in his way because all he cared about was himself. Someone devoid of feelings. However, what the world didn't know was, that I was hiding a real beast inside me all along. 

But meeting Boyoung changed everything for me. I couldn't stop myself from feeling attached to her in many ways. Initially, it didn't cause me any problems, so I went along with it. But I was always afraid that the day I fall for her, I'd fall very hard. I knew it would bring back all the emotions I had repressed.