𝓑𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 - ₐₛₒᵤₑ [𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐄𝐃]

♖ 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗲 𝗥𝗼𝗼𝗺

ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀᴜᴅᴇʟᴀɪʀᴇꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ʟɪᴠɪɴɢ
ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ᴍᴀɴ ᴡʜᴏ ꜱᴛᴜᴅɪᴇꜱ ꜱɴᴀᴋᴇꜱ,
ʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴊᴏʟʟʏ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇ'ꜱ ꜱᴇᴄʀᴇᴛɪᴠᴇ
ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴀᴋᴇꜱ ᴀ ꜰᴇᴡ ᴍɪꜱᴛᴀᴋᴇꜱ.

ꜱᴘᴏɪʟᴇʀ ᴀʟᴇʀᴛ!
ᴀ ᴠɪʟʟᴀɪɴ ᴄᴏᴍᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴜʀᴅᴇʀ,
ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴏ ɪꜰ ɪ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ,
ɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴏɴᴇ ᴍɪɴᴜᴛᴇ ꜰᴜʀᴛʜᴇʀ.

[• • •]

𝐋𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐲 𝐒𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐭

↝  My name is Lemony Snicket, and it is my sworn duty to carefully research the dire plight of the Baudelaire orphans and their friend Alice Everleigh. 

But there is no reason for you to make yourself as miserable and melancholy as I am. If I were you, I would look away before viewing any of the horrible and horrifying events that comprise this ghastly new episode... in the Baudelaires' unfortunate lives.

[• • •]

The orphans found themselves sitting in the backseat of Mr. Poe's car for what felt like the hundredth time that week. It was a space they'd come to associate with their misery and despair, which described their mood as the banker drove through unknown lands.

"It's a brand-new episode in your lives, Baudelaires." Mr. Poe said, his cheerfulness not being reciprocated by the children. "In a few minutes, you'll meet your new guardian, Dr. Montgomery."

Violet, who was sitting in the middle of the backseat with Klaus to her left and Alice to her right, furrowed her brows. She looked at Klaus, searching for any sign of recognition in his eyes. She found none. 

Beatrice and Bertrand had never mentioned Dr. Montgomery while they were alive. In fact, the first time the children heard that name was when Jacquelyn, Mr. Poe's assistant, revealed herself in the audience of Count Olaf's play.

"He's your closest living relative and apparently should've been your guardian all along, according to your deceased parents' will." The banker informed as if the children hadn't already realized that fact.

"I'm beginning to think it was a mistake to listen to that oddly-dressed consultant who walked into my office with no references and no identification, and who suggested that I place you in Count Olaf's care." Mr. Poe confessed.

Sunny squirmed a little in Violet's lap, a subtle hint of her opinion about Mr. Poe's previous statement.  Much like her siblings and Alice, Sunny thought that the banker wasn't very helpful and would've realized Count Olaf's deceiving nature sooner if he stopped thinking about his stupid promotion.

"My siblings and I wholeheartedly agree," Violet said, briefly offering Alice a small smile. The oldest Baudelaire grew to consider Alice as her sister during the course of their friendship, and when her parents became Alice's guardians, their bond became stronger.

Violet was, however, aware that Klaus' opinion of the Everleigh girl was vastly different. But that was a story for another day, she thought, as her eyes averted to Mr. Poe again.

"You're a disgrace to your profession." Sunny voiced, evoking a chuckle from Alice. Nonetheless, she was happy the banker didn't understand a word the infant had said.

"My recently-rehired secretary Jacquelyn is nervous that Count Olaf is still at large, but I don't think Olaf will be able to find you way out here." Mr. Poe declared.