𝓑𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 - ₐₛₒᵤₑ [𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐄𝐃]

♖ 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗮𝗱 𝗕𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴

ꜰᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ ʟᴏꜱᴇ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʜᴏᴍᴇ
ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ ʟɪᴠᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴀᴡꜰᴜʟ
ʜᴇ ᴛʀɪᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ꜰᴏʀᴛᴜɴᴇ
ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ᴘʟᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛ Qᴜɪᴛᴇ ʟᴀᴡꜰᴜʟ

ɪᴛ'ꜱ ʜᴀʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ꜰᴀᴛʜᴏᴍ
ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏʀᴘʜᴀɴꜱ ᴍᴀɴᴀɢᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʟɪᴠᴇ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ɪᴛ
ᴏʀ ʜᴏᴡ ᴀ ᴅᴇᴄᴇɴᴛ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱᴇʟꜰ
ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴠɪᴇᴡ ɪᴛ

[• • •]

𝐋𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐲 𝐒𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐭

↝ Now that you understand how this chain of tragic events started, it's time to tell the story of the Baudelaire children. But you reading this have no such obligation, and I would advise all our readers to turn away immediately and read something more pleasant instead. This story will be dreadful, melancholic, and calamitous, a word which here means "dreadful and melancholic". That is because not very many happy things happened in the lives of the Baudelaires.

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny were intelligent children. Charming and resourceful, they had pleasant facial features, but they were extremely unlucky. Almost everything that happened to them was rife with misfortune, misery, and despair. I'm sorry to tell you this... but that's how the story goes.

[• • •]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀᴜᴅᴇʟᴀɪʀᴇ ꜰɪʀᴇ

That morning was very unusual for Alice and the Baudelaire siblings. Beatrice, who was normally very chipper even in the earliest hours of the morning, didn't utter a word during breakfast. The woman had a grim expression on her face that only disappeared when she occasionally glanced at her children, a tight-lipped smile on her lips that eerily reminded Alice of the one her mother directed to her once.

Bertrand had already finished eating his pancakes and was now simply reading the newest edition of the Daily Punctilio. He enjoyed reading the newspaper, although the children didn't know why since it was full of crap. Alice sighed, feeding Sunny another raw carrot.

Growing tired of the uncomfortable silence, Beatrice cleared her throat, successfully catching the attention of the four kids. "Why don't you children take the trolley to Briny Beach? It seems like a perfect day to enjoy the beach." She asked, a forced smile growing on her face. 

The children thought the suggestion was odd - after all, they had never gone to the beach by themselves. Nevertheless, they complied, and that's how they ended up on the back of a rickety trolley - "Rickety" is a word which here means "unsteady" or "likely to collapse at any moment." -, getting further and further away from their house.

"Briny Beach, please." Violet told the driver, before turning back to Klaus and Alice, who held Sunny in her arms. Klaus grabbed their picnic basket from the ground, and the four of them made their way through the trolley as it stopped on the beach.

"I wonder why Mother and Father didn't want to come with us," Klaus admitted, stepping down from the vehicle. Violet exited next, contemplating the empty beach.

"Maybe they don't like this rickety trolley," Alice replied, following her friends out of the trolley.

Despite the driver's offers to take them somewhere else, somewhere more jolly and festive, the children made their way further into the beach. When Briny Beach was hot and sunny, the seashore was crowded with tourists, and it was impossible to find a good place to lay one's blanket. On gray and cloudy days, the Baudelaires had the beach more or less to themselves, so they could work together on their projects and experiments.