The Rebirth Of Hurt Souls

Chapter 2: Tuesday

Hey, my name is Kleo and I'm going to tell you the struggles of a rich kid that people don't even think about. You are probably confused and think "what problems could a rich kid have?!". Well my friend, I'm going to tell you all about it so brace yourself for a trauma filled story about my life.

It all started when I was born on July 19th, 2005. The day I supposedly ruined my parent's lives. Ever since I was born my parents have made it their mission to remind me how much of a disappointment I am and how they wish I was never born, so needless to say my parents hated my guts. This wasn't even the worst part of my childhood believe it or not. Not only was I mentally abused, but I was physically abused too. Every little mistake I made came with a hit, kick or slap. Bruises were left on my face, legs, arms and pretty much anywhere you could think of. I had to go to school during the summer with sweaters, jackets or anything else I could use to cover up the marks on my body. It was torture.

As I got older, I discovered the wonders of makeup, a gateway to not only fixing my insecurities but to also hide these marks all over my skin. Every bruise, scratch and cut didn't exist anymore, but this all came with the consequence of self obsession. Now when you hear that you immediately think of someone who is full of themselves or someone who is narcissistic, but in my case, I was obsessed with covering my pain with makeup and expensive clothes. It felt like therapy, feeling beautiful and having power come with that beauty. Highschool was going to be smooth sailing for me, or so I thought...

I was in my freshman year of high school, excitement coursing through my veins. This was going to be the best years of my life. Everything would come easily to me. Boys, friends and good grades. Well all of this was ruined when I got into a battle with myself, the battle of body image issues. I never hated myself more. Although my body was seen as "perfect" by others, I hated every inch of it. I would starve myself for days, even weeks sometimes. I would just survive on water. It all seemed fine at first, but then I was taken to hospital for collapsing on the floor in  the middle of an English presentation. The doctors told my parents it was from not eating enough and that they should keep a close eye on me from now on. Unluckily for me, that meant being beaten until unconsciousness. You would think I would have stopped starving myself after this whole situation, but it was an addiction at this point. That was until...

Male validation started coming into play. Comments on my Instagram posts telling me how hot I am, being hit on by guys in school. It all felt amazing. I quickly started craving attention from men, wanting them to tell me how hot I am and how badly they want to be with me. It was everything I could ask for so I did what anyone who was craving attention would do, I posted more scandalous pictures of myself. This made the boys go crazy. Likes and shares were piling up and soon enough I had every boy wrapped around my fingers, even girls too. Every girl wanted to be me and every guy wanted to be with me. My popularity rose higher and higher and my confidence blossomed. Everyone loved me. Soon enough I was the most popular girl in school and everyone knew me. Until it got to a point where everyone knew me more than I knew myself, like I didn't even know what my sexuality was or who I was as a person anymore. So, I decided to experiment.

It was hard trying to figure myself out without being able to reach out for help. I couldn't talk to anyone about it, not my parents, my friends or even a stranger. This one little secret could ruin my reputation and I couldn't let that happen, it was everything to me. So I made a fake account on a dating app for queer people, changing my name and age so it wouldn't raise any suspicion and it ended up being the best choice I've ever made. Being with women made me feel so at ease and safe. They didn't care about how you looked, your body count or how much money you had, they just wanted to get to know you for your personality. I went on many dates with one girl and even kissed her, but I let her know that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship yet, to which she completely understood. After that I decided to see if I still had an attraction to men, which is when I met a guy named Ryland.

Ryland was a sweet jock, a caring person and incredibly handsome. He was the perfect guy in retrospect. He gave me the validation I craved for and took care of me. Soon after I started developing feelings for him and apparently so did he because a couple weeks after us meeting he asked me to be his girlfriend which of course I said yes to. I mean how could you say no to HIM. Every girl wanted him.

We had been together for a couple months when I started getting sick of being in a relationship. I used to get showered with compliments from several men, but now that I had gotten into a relationship, I was getting nothing. To solve this issue, I decided to start random arguments with him so he would want to break up with me. To me, this was the perfect plan, but it wasn't working at all. So I decided to go to a party with him which is where I planned to break up with him. I needed a courage boost so I had some shots and sat down with him. I told him that I wanted to talk and proceeded to tell him that I want to break up because I only dated him for male validation, which wasn't entirely true, because a part of me did truly love him. He looked shocked and upset. I felt so bad as he started tearing up and stormed off. That was the last time I saw him.

It was the next day and I still did not see him at school and he didn't answer my messages. I started getting extremely worried so I started asking around and that's when I got a phone call...

"Hello is this Kleo?"

"Yes, who are you?"

"This is a friend of Ryland's, I'm sorry to inform you but he was found dead in a bathroom of a house on Lakewood Street. Doctors say it was an overdose, but it hasn't been confirmed yet. I'm sorry for your loss."

I dropped to the floor, screaming at the top of my lungs. All I felt was pain. This was my fault. I had caused this. He did it because of me.

I.

DID.

THIS.

Tears streamed down my face. I could not live with this guilt, this pain. I grabbed a chair and a rope.

One loop. Two. Three.

That should be tight enough I thought to myself.

Around my neck.

Deep breath, in and out.

"I'll see you on the other side, Ryland"

The chair hits the ground.

Congrats mom and dad, you got what you wanted.