The Rebirth Of Hurt Souls

Chapter 4: Thursday

Hello all, Adam here. I am here to tell you my tragic life story as it seems that trauma dumping is extremely popular, which worries me immensely but I am going to share my struggles throughout life so I hope you enjoy...

I grew up in a small town where everyone knew each other and any secrets were not safe. Had an affair? No worries, the whole town probably already knows. Beat up some guy in an alleyway? Haha good luck getting away with that. Needless to say this town is incredibly nosy and not to mention incredibly conservative, but I'll get into more detail about that later.

Anyways, growing up my family was incredibly poor. Everyday I would pray that I would be treated with something small to eat, even if it was a sandwich, or a slice of bread on the worse days. My mom worked 3 jobs just to feed me and my siblings and keep a roof over our head until me and my brothers were old enough to start working or move out. Until I was old enough to get a job, I would try my best to help out, but this gave me so much responsibility at the very young age of 6. I was the oldest of 3 so it was even more difficult. I had higher expectations set from my mom, I had to work more than all of my siblings and I had to deal with school all on top of that. I practically had to raise myself since my mom was never around to do it herself, but I assured myself everything was going to be okay. That was until I entered high school.

Ah high school, the place of learning, education and knowledge. I'm only kidding, everyone knows that high school is just about silly crushes, fights and DRAMAAAA. Well, that's what it turned to over the years. Anyways, my first few years of high school were pure bliss. I was popular, had every girl drooling over me and I was at the top of most of my classes. Everything was perfect for me. Until I met him...

Ryland. A beautiful, 6'5 athlete with amazing style and an amazing sense of humor. He looked like he was sculpted by gods, angels and any other form of a higher power. He was pure perfection, but why am I obsessing over him? Why did he make me feel like this? I've never even felt this way about a girl, but yet I have these strong feelings for a man that I haven't even met! It's okay though, it's just a phase, like everyone says right? Everybody feels this burning desire to be held and cherished by someone of the same sex right? Maybe I was just maturing as man, I thought to myself. Even though it was probably nothing, I decided to do some research on...men. I was absolutely appalled at what I found. Gorgeous men with chiseled jaws, beautifully sculpted bodies and a face of a model. I felt a burning sensation coursing through my brain when it finally clicked in my brain... I am gay.

I know being gay is something you should be open and proud of, but if I even mention the word "gay" in front of my parents, they gag and scrunch their noses in disgust. They are so grossed out by people who are apart of the LGBTQ community, but they're very catholic so no surprise there. I couldn't even tell my friends because if I told one of them, everyone would know, including the love of my life, Ryland. Okay, maybe that's a bit excessive, but he is everyone's dream guy.

As a way to not raise suspicion of me being gay since I hadn't dated a girl for a long time, I decided to take the focus off of me and put it on someone who I knew very well, Prim. She was a sweet, openly gay, caring and smart girl. She was the perfect victim. So, from that day I started to bully her. I would kick, punch ,scratch and insult her on a daily. I thought this was the perfect way for me to take the attention off myself, which it did, but then I realized the kind of person I was becoming. So I did what all mentally unstable gays do...

I found an addiction to fall into, well technically 2. Alcohol and drugs. I tried them both for the first time at Ryland's house party, which is when my addiction blossomed into something horrible. Every day I would finish full 1 litre bottles of whiskey, tequila, vodka or even beer. Whatever was available to buy in stores, I had most probably tried and the same goes with drugs. I had dealers in school, out of school and pretty much anywhere else. It took all my pain away and made me forget about all my problems, so I did it everyday and even got my friends to start doing it. Even Ryland, which happened when he suddenly approached me at a party...

I was drinking away, leaning against the kitchen counter watching everyone else having fun. "Isn't it a bit lonely by yourself here mate?" I hear a sweet voice saying from the doorway. I looked up to see him standing 2 feet away from me, swirling his drink around in his cup. "Ummm, not really. I actually quite like my own company. Gives me a chance to recharge" I say with a chuckle, trying so hard not to blush. He steps a little closer to me and grabs a cigar from his pocket. He lights it and takes a hit. I stare at him, in awe at how beautiful he was. "You want some?" he offers. I nod my head and he steps closer, but this time his face is a few inches away from my face. He takes a hit and blows the smoke in my face with a little chuckle. "I'm only messing with you, here you go" he says, handing me the cigar. My jaw is practically on the floor as I watch him walk away. I cannot believe that just happened...

It's the day after the party and I am suffering with the worst hangover ever. My head feels like it's being smashed in with bricks, but I still have to get up and head to school, so that's exactly what I do. 

I arrive to school with a plan in mind. I was going to pull the biggest prank on Prim just incase anyone saw me with Ryland last night. This was definitely going to take the attention off of me and if it didn't, I would need to think of something bigger and more cruel. Suddenly I see her entering school so I quickly ran back to her locker and waited for her arrival. All eyes were on me as she turned the corner and fixed her gaze on the "artwork" I had created on her locker. I felt horrible and guilty, but I have to do what I have to do. She looked mortified, embarrassed too. She was never going to live this down. I went over to her and slammed her against the locker, beating her until she collapsed. She couldn't move. She was helpless. I quickly ran away before I was caught.

That was the biggest mistake I had ever made.

It's 4th period and there is still no sign of Prim. I became more and more concerned since she was never late or skipped a class. Anyways, I got the thought of her out of my brain as the PE teacher walked in. "Alright everyone, let's head to the gym. Adam can you get some equipment out of the supply closet?" she exclaimed. I nodded and made my way to the supply closet. I walked towards the closet, noticing the door slightly open. I was confused since no one ever goes in there except teachers and they would never leave the door open like that. 

I ignored it and went in anyway.

Oh. My. God.

The floor was covered in blood.

Every step,

Every movement

Felt surreal.

I see a body on the floor.

At first I don't recognize the person because of the amount of blood.

But then,

It hit me.

This

Was

Prim.

What had I done.

WHY.

"PLEASE SOMEONE HELP" I scream at the top of my lungs.

Nothing.

I hold her lifeless body in my hands.

I can't hold back the tears that erupt down my face.

I did this to her.

I'm

A

Murderer.

I break the window in frustration

Shards scatter across the floor.

I pick one up.

"Prim, I'm so sorry I did this to you. I'm so so sorry"

I hold the shard to my neck.

I deserve this.

I deserve this and more for what I have done.

I am a monster.

Prim,

I am so sorry.

I...

am...

so....

sorry.