The Rebirth Of Hurt Souls

Chapter 3: Wednesday

Hello to all, I am Prim and I am going to tell you a bit about myself, more specifically about my childhood, my struggles and even some trauma I have dealt with. Let's not waste any more time and jump right into it shall we?

I was born on October 7th, 2006. This was the beginning of the disaster that is my life. The day that I always call a burden to other people because even at a young age I truly believed I was an annoyance and that I was better gone. This all started because of my bully that goes by the name of Adam Greveland, the one who caused all of my childhood suffering. 

I met him in kindergarten, but the bullying started a bit later on. We were actually friends until he ditched me for the popular kids. I was abandoned and forgotten. To him I meant nothing and I still do to this day which he constantly reminds me of. I was already struggling with a lot, but he loved making my life a misery whether it was playing small pranks in class or humiliating me in-front of the school it didn't really matter to him as long as it upset me. Not only did I have a bully at school, I also had a bully living with me, tormenting me everyday and that was my father.

My mom had died in a car crash when I was little so it was just me and my dad left. The worst possible outcome. I will forever wish it was my dad who had died in that car crash because maybe, just maybe, my life wouldn't be so tragic and depressing. Anyways, my dad constantly abused me. I always expected some kind of slap or beating when I arrived home from school. Even as I got into high-school, it was the same old ritual. Arrive home, get yelled at, hit then go to my room and have a mental breakdown. It's just a routine to me at this point. This made me feel like I could not be loved. My own father can't love me so how will anyone else be able to do so? It just seems impossible to me. Like if someone were to say they love me I would laugh in their face, assuming it's a joke. I don't just feel unlovable, I am unlovable.

As my years left in high school started narrowing down, I felt myself becoming filled with anxiety and depression. My father refused to get me diagnosed by a professional though, he just laughed and told me to be quiet. So, I just had to deal with it. It was difficult though, feeling like everyone is out to get you 24/7 just because you got a strange look from one person. It's horrible and makes me incapable of doing things that others can do very easily. It makes me feel like a failure, a mistake, a disappointment. So I turned to a new way of coping, also known as self harm. It made me feel better in an extremely odd way. Like it was nice knowing I was being punished almost. Watching the blood dripping down my wrists was calming, regardless of how morbid it may sound it's true. It gave me a sense of comfort that a person could never make me feel.

Anyways, now to the present. I had spent the entirety of my day hanging out with Lester that I had completely lost track of time. Lester was the only person in the entire world I trusted. He never hurt me or judged me, he just accepted me for who I was. Unlike everyone else who loved to bully me for my attraction to women, my interests or basically anything. He was like a candle that had been lit in the worst kind of darkness. He saved me. 

As I was saying, I lost track of time and started to head back home. I ran all the way back, knowing how furious my dad would be for staying out so late. As expected, he yelled at me, hit me and went back to what he was doing like I had disturbed him just by existing. So, I returned to my room and opened my bedside cabinet where my blade was. I ran it along my arm questioning for a moment if I should do it before choosing the most obvious decision. I winced a little at the pain but was satisfied by the results. After, I scrolled on my phone for a little while until falling asleep.

I was woken up by the sound of my dad telling me to get ready for school so I threw back my covers, got out of bed and picked out my outfit. It was very simplistic but still cute. I then put on my shoes, grabbed my bag and ran out the door before my dad could do anything. As I left the house, I was greeted by a hyper Lester telling me all about what happened in a discord call with their friends. How were they this energetic at 7:30 in the morning? Anyway, we got off the bus and walked into school where everyone was staring at us. I felt my nerves getting the better of me so I hurried to my locker in hopes of getting all the eyes off of me, but instead it made it worse. I approached my locker to find "kill yourself fag" carved into my locker. I was in shock trying to process what I was looking at but my thoughts were rudely interrupted by Adam. Of course this was his doing, just another one of his stupid pranks I guess. I was so wrong, this was going to be the worst thing he has ever done.

He threw me against the locker, making me hit my head really hard on the metal and nearly causing me to become unconscious. He punched me repeatedly in the face, cackling as he nearly killed me in-front of all my classmates. Finally, he leaves after kicking me in the stomach, making me unable to walk. I was helpless. No one cared enough to help me. Lester was nowhere to be seen as he went to his class early. I decided this was it.

I can't do this anymore.

I practically crawl into the PE locker room, collapsing every time I tried to stand up. I grab the knife from in my bag. I put my finger on the tip of it, as if I was testing its sharpness. I held it to my neck, ready to slice it open. 

This is it, time to end all this suffering that I have put up with for way too long. 

They will all have to live with the knowledge that they did this while they do some stupid speech about how there is always help out there when you need.

WHERE WAS MY HELP? WHEN I WAS CRAWLING ON MY KNEES AFTER BEING BEATEN WHERE WAS MY HELP LAKEWOOD HIGH?

Of course there is help out there if people care enough to help you get it, but me?

I had to help myself, I had to RAISE myself.

I guess you can say this is my final goodbye.

Lester, I'm sorry we couldn't graduate together like we planned,

I'll make the skies pretty for you, and that is a promise.