Counting on you (Suicidal Ash)

Back to the beginning I go

Heavy rain and thunder woke me up. The lightning outside was illuminating the room and I couldn't wish for more. This was the perfect chance to sneak out and end it or so I thought.

Even the sky hates me.

Why else would it rain this heavily.

I am useless.

This life... It feels like a burden to me.

Closing and reopening my eyes I started to look around the room for Greninja. Thankfully he was fast asleep and he didn't seem to hear or woke up at all.

How nice it must feel once I am gone.

No one holding you back.

No one telling you what you have to do.

Yeah.

This is for the better.

There was no need to convince myself any further. I was set on this and that was it. I didn't need anyone telling me what a stupid idea this was or how brilliant it is. In fact I knew it for myself. This was what I wanted and decided. This was my will and my end.

So in the end I stood up and slowly walked to the door trying to avoid anything that would make any noises.

Honestly I could say only out of luck that the storm outside was heavy because you couldn't hear my footsteps at all. That wasn't for sure the only things you couldn't hear.

The door which I opened had to creak very loudly and the storm outside had to make even louder noises.

Was this gods will?

Did it wanted me to do this?

I didn't know.

It certainly came over to me like this.

So once I went out of the room, I left the door open and walked to the toilets. There was a huge mirror and even if I had to break it, I could kill myself with a shard. Then all of the sudden another idea came to my mind.

Why should I vreak something?

I could just go outside and hang myself.

It shouldn't be too hard to find something to hang myself in a forest...

If not, I could climb a tree and just jump off.

Who knows I might be lucky and die.

That sounds better.

At least I won't be a bother to anyone like this.

Blood is hard to clean... I am sure Sister Joy would spend hours cleaning the mess up if I would kill myself here.

No!

I can't do this.

I would inconvenience people even after my death.

I refuse to do that.

So in the end I went downstairs and then out of the pokemon center. There was a forrest and I knew the way there by now since it was the same way Greninja stopped me from going any further. Slowly but surely I started to walk that way and when I got to the entrance of the wild area, I continued walking deeper and deeper walking off path and continue to walk into the forrest. 

That was soo long until I found a cliff leading to the ocea. It was the very own sound of the ocean that brought me there.

Again the rain was heavy and it was covering my sound of walking but it was still not enough to hear the stormy sea. I was out there and I knew I was there to die. This was where I belonged to the beginning.

The ocean....

This seemed like my destiny by now.

I didn't thought I would find a cliff here.

I was thinking of hanging or falling....

Oh well....

This is one way out for sure.

I walked closer and closer to the edge until I was right there. One leap, one jump and it would be over. This was it. For some reason I also felt at peace knowing this was the final breath and the final moment of my life. I had enough and the way I felt was horrible. I wanted to die and I wanted to just be me without bothering anyone, without hurting anyone and without being a bratty kid and a monster.

Me: This is it... thanks for everything Sister Joy, Greninja....I am just not worth it.

That was it. With that I took the leap and closed my eyes. It was finally the time to do this and it felt somewhat fulfilling.

Greninja: GRENINJA!

It's to late my friend... if I can call you like this.

I am sorry.

Thank you for accopanying me for this long.

Thanks for everything.

I will not forget it.

It may be useless and wasted on me but thank you.

Opening my eyes slightly I couldn't help but smile at the Greninja who was on the edge of the cliff. Everything seemed to be in slow motion at this moment and I could his face. If I didn't know him then I wouldn't have known that expression but it was shock and that was when I felt guilty that he saw me end it. 

 I am sorry...

I am useless till the bitter end...

I am so sorry....

I can't continue....

Please stay strong....