Sparks Fly (ONGOING)

Chapter 21

I was staring at nothing.

Hawak-hawak ko 'yong papel na nahanap ko sa may unan ko.

Anak, I'm sorry. Kailangan kong umalis kagad may nagpatawag kasi sa'kin sa work. You looked so peaceful; I didn't bother waking you up, and it looked like you really needed it. I wanted to stay at least until you get discharged, but it was really an urgent matter. I'm sorry, nak, bawi nalang si mommy next time. I love you.

- Mommy

Puro nalang sila bawi. Lagi naman nila 'yon sinasabi pero 'di naman nila pinapatunayan. They're always talking and never acting.

"I'm not using that"

"You have to"

"I'll use the crutches"

"No"

We've been at this for the past 15 minutes. I'd argue that I can walk and he'll counter with me using the wheelchair.

"The doctor said it's better if you use this."

"Pake ko sa doctor. Mama ko ba siya para sabihan ako?" Inirapan ko siya.

I can see how he's slowly getting frustrated with me. He was massaging the knot between his eyebrows.

"Susunod ka o ako mismo magpapasunod sa 'yo?"

In any normal day, I would have stayed quiet and followed him, but not today.

I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and I just want to lay in my very comfortable bed instead of this shitty hospital bed!

If I had listened to him sooner and sat on the wheelchair, we could've been in the car on the way home. For some reason, I just want things to go my way today. So kahit kating-kati na 'kong makauwi at hindi pa magaling talaga fever ko, hindi pa rin ako uupo sa lintek na wheelchair na 'yon!

"Lukas! Ano ba!"

Impit akong napatili nang bigla nalang akong buhatin ng lalaking 'to. He's carrying me bridal style, my arms automatically snaked through his neck in fear of being dropped.

"W-what are you doing?!" Nakasukbit sa isa niyang balikat 'yong overnight bag ko habang karga-karga niya ako. Buhat niya akong nilagpasan 'yong wheelchair at diretsong lumabas ng kwarto.

"Ano 'tong ginagawa mo?! Nakakahiya!" I hid my face in the crook of his neck. Ang daming taong nasa hallway! Kitang-kita nila kalokohan na ginagawa ng siraulong 'to!

"Baba mo na 'ko! Ayaw ko neto!"

"You didn't want to use the wheelchair; I don't want you to walk and use your crutches. Life is unfair; this way, nobody gets what they want."

I just let him carry me out of the hospital like this. It's not like I could argue, he's dead set on carrying me out.

"H-hindi ka ba nabibigatan?" Tanong kong pabulong. Ang tagal niya ng naglalakad habang buhat ako, 'di ba namamanhid mga braso niya?

Hindi ba siya nahihirapan? Ako kasi nahihirapan gawin mga jumps ko kasi mabigat daw ako.

"Nabibigatan"

May naramdaman akong init sa sulok ng mata ko. Kasalanan ko rin kasi nagtanong ako, sinabi niya lang naman 'yong totoo.

Mukhang lalabas na sana mga luha ko nang ituloy niya sinabi niya, "what's in this bag? Seriously, are there rocks in here?"

I can't help but giggle in relief. Lately, I've been feeling self-conscious about myself, especially my body. I have this fear of people using my insecurities to hurt me; I fear more if Lukas is one of those people who uses it against me.