Long Journey || ATEEZ

Dazzling Light

Seonghwa and Hyacinth, Cherries' best assassin and Ghost Queen, walked side-by-side in silence. Hyacinth seemed rather unbothered and relaxed, whilst Seonghwa couldn't help but fidget.

"So..." he started after a while. He thought breaking the silence and just...speaking would be easier now, especially now that he had befriended Mingi, who had been so afraid of him before, even starting coaching him in the ways of fighting (speaking of which, were going very well, actually). But as ever, opening his mouth and letting the words come out was as easy as the first time. Which was not at all. "...you were—you were helping them."

"I suppose so, yes," Hyacinth replied matter-of-factly. She spun on her heel, still keeping a pace ahead Seonghwa, but now she faced him.

"Then...you must think of me as a....as a monster," he said softly, staring down at his feet. "I have no excuse anymore now, do I?"

"Would a monster be volunteering to help at a school?" she said, grinning.

"I don't see how that's relevant," the ex-assassin said, chuckling softly, albeit a little bitterly. "Still doesn't bring all those dead people back to life."

"You didn't torture them though, did you?" she said humourlessly, "I feel like a quick execution isn't too monstrous compared to torture, eh?"

"Where are you going with this?"

"I've tortured people," Hyacinth said simply, her tone flat and emotionless. "For information, mostly. But there have been exceptions. The bastard who blew our cover just before that massacre, for one. Ripped his fingernails out, one by one, just to hear him scream. Didn't bring anyone back, did it?"

Seonghwa nodded silently, unsure of how to formulate a suitable response to that.

"And the worst of it? I did it all of my own free will. More than I could say for you." Hyacinth sighed. "So by all logic, I'm the bigger monster here, aren't I? Yet here we are, some bloody-awful monsters going to volunteer to help kids at a school. Ironic, isn't it?" she chuckled.

"Is that meant to be comforting?"

She laughed dryly.

"Monsters don't feel guilt. Regret. Remorse. None of that. Yet you do," she said softly, raising an eyebrow slightly. "You're not a monster, Seonghwa. You're just scarred from it all."

Seonghwa sighed, and looked up towards the bright-blue sky, sun blazing like a raging fire in the middle of it.

"Perhaps," he admitted, "that applies to the me now. But you haven't seen me in the past." His face darkened. "Apart from one instance..." He paused, and bit his lip, the repressed memories fighting to bubble up again, "...I didn't feel guilt for those I'd killed. I do now...but...I don't know," he said, shrugging. "I can't tell anymore. I don't feel guilty about killing Eli and Robert – they deserved it – but everyone else. I didn't know them personally. I had no good reason to..." He shook his head. "I really don't know."

"You didn't have time to feel guilt – you were scared."

"Scared? Me?" He scoffed. "Maybe." Seonghwa paused. "No, I was. Of Big Grey, that bastard. Made sure there was no time for me to feel guilt."

"Do you want me to tell you something about Big Grey?"

"Is it something I don't know?" he said, arching an eyebrow. "Because I've just about seen it all. Even watched him kill his own father in cold blood. So what is it?"

A peculiar smirk lined Hyacinth's face.

"He was scared all his entire, damn life."

Seonghwa flinched.