Dalumat

XI. Interruption

"Ginaganahan ka na," Leni said under her breath.

It wasn't unkind; it was almost teasing, almost bashful. And if only she put more strength into her voice, Risa would have felt just as bashful, too. But instead of withdrawing, she tightened her arms even more around Leni, feeling like she could do absolutely anything at that moment.

"Namumula ka," Risa teased Leni back, and she couldn't help but suppress a giggle at the way the color on Leni's face deepened at her remark. She swayed her weight to the side, bringing Leni along with her. Risa couldn't remember being this close to Leni before, and God, did she love it.

She couldn't explain it, but she felt so good right now. It was the best she'd ever felt since waking up this morning on a bed feeling ten times its size. Maybe it wasn't so bad, not sleeping with Leni last night, because then if she did, maybe she wouldn't have gotten this.

She looked at Leni again, directly at her and not through the window — not like she took her eyes off of her even for a second. Leni was still holding her forearms, but in spite of that, Risa's hands had never felt freer, never felt more unrestrained.

Unthinkingly, she dragged her palm a few inches against Leni's stomach, and the goosebumps that she felt against her fingers almost gave her goosebumps, too.

She repeated the movement again, consciously this time, dragging her hand back to where it originally was, just testing the waters. Leni's breath hitched, and Risa could feel her own heartbeat picking up.

How much would be too much?

How much could she get away with?

She really wanted to know.

So she moved her right hand across Leni's abdomen, from her left side to her right — not too fast to be nothing, but not too slow to be agonizing — and whether her pinky finger dipping into Leni's navel was accidental or deliberate, Risa really didn't know anymore.

When before, she had heard the catch of Leni's breath, this time, Risa couldn't hear Leni breathing at all.

Too much na ba?

But Leni's grip on her didn't change, and she wasn't telling her to stop.

But instead of feeling more emboldened by it, more than ever, Risa just felt like she didn't know what she was doing.

What were they even doing?

What must they look like right now, if anyone barged in? Two friends locked in a van, touching each other? Or, at least, one friend touching another?

Risa willed her hands to stop. Leni was still looking down, thoughtful, her gaze lost somewhere between their hands and her lap, and Risa wanted nothing more than to be told anything, maybe even to be told off — kindly, as Leni would — maybe even to be told to stop.

But Leni wasn't telling her to stop. Still.

She wanted to pull her hands away, but when she tried to, Leni's hands clutched her even tighter, and if Risa didn't know any better, she would think that Leni was begging her not to let go, to just keep on holding her, to just keep on touching her. Please?

But Risa knew better, and that wasn't what she thought it was.

...Was it?

When her palms met the fabric of Leni's slacks, Leni finally relented. Leni's hold on her loosened, and now that Risa was no longer being touched by Leni anymore, strangely, it was the moment when her hands felt the most restricted.

She already missed it, the past of two minutes ago, when she was lost in sensation, feeling it all, living a dream. Now, it was like being rudely woken up by the alarm again, left vulnerable to deal with the awkwardness of the afterwards.

Risa suddenly remembered Leni's promise — the promise that, at Risa's request, she would do anything.

The remembrance came with a certain bittersweetness, one that was totally uncalled for.

It was unfair.

Was that what this was? A favor?

Was that why Leni didn't tell her to stop?

Now, she wanted to know. She wanted to know how much of it was the Sabihin mo lang. Kahit ano, gagawin ko, and how much of it was because Leni wanted it and enjoyed it, too. If... there even was anything to want or enjoy.

Leni lifted her chin up, and when Leni turned to meet Risa's eyes, for the first time ever in their friendship, Risa was afraid of what she would find there. She almost didn't want to look.

But she did. It was a look that said many things and nothing all at once, but that was only because Risa couldn't read it at all.

She finally had an answer to one of her questions.

That look, it was too much for her.

Leni opened her mouth, as if she was going to say something. She slightly moved one hand up, as if she was going to reach for Risa again.

Will you do it? Will you ask me to touch you again?

Risa just sat there with her hands still on Leni's lap; she'd be the one to wait for Leni this time.

Then there was a violent knock on the window near them, surprising them both. Whatever it was that was in the air inside the van, it dissipated away.

Leni turned back right away, giving Risa one last look before rolling down the window, and Risa promptly pulled her hands away from anywhere near Leni's body and folded them on her lap. She awkwardly cleared her throat.

It was Senator Trillanes outside. Apparently, people were already looking for them. The conversation was brief; Leni told him that they would go back right away. They had been gone for long enough.

There was a short frenzy of activity as Leni rolled the window back up and reached across the open divider to turn off the van and retrieve the keys. Risa only watched her do it all in silence.

Her dream was over, just like that.

Leni got off the van first, and Risa followed right behind her again. When she was halfway out, she reached for Leni from behind, her hands finding their familiar place around Leni's waist again, and Risa was quite sure she heard a gasp, although a quiet one.

Risa fixed the bottom half of Leni's shirt, with care, as if they lived in the same house and Leni was leaving for work. She pulled the hem down, straightened Leni's shirt up, first in the front, then at the sides, then at the back, and she took her time with it, because who knows? Maybe it will be the last.

When she finished, she reluctantly pulled one hand away, but the other stayed on the small of Leni's back.

When Leni looked back at Risa, Risa was relieved that the look on Leni's face was one she could read. It was nervous. It was curious. It was surprised. It was interested.

And just from that expression, the exhilaration was coming back in droves.

Risa almost wanted to hug Leni — a proper hug this time, with her arms around Leni's arms in a tight squeeze — but she didn't; Sonny was standing there waiting for them. So she settled for a soft pat on Leni's lower back, once, maybe two times or three. And when Leni took the first step forward, away from Risa, Risa knew that there was still one last thing she wanted to say.

"Leni," she called.

This time, when Leni looked back at her again, she was calmer.

Risa smiled. "Thank you."

Thank you for doing this for me.

-

"Anong ginagawa niyo do'n?"

"Ha?"

"Sa van. Medyo matagal-tagal din kayong nawala."

Ano nga ba? "Wala. Nag-uusap lang."

"Hmm..."