Dear Diary

31. WHAT HE KNOWS

Sunday, October 13th

D E R E K

"Sidney, don't walk away from me!" I demanded as I followed her outside of the party.

"I'm going home!" she spat.

I raced over, cutting across the littered lawn, and pulled her by the arm. "Not until you listen to what I have to say."

She tried pulling away. "Derek, you're hurting me. Let go."

"No, you're not about to snitch on me. Not you."

She pulled away and looked at me as if I was the one being unreasonable. As if she was some saint that did nothing wrong. We both knew that was a lie.

A cold, hard lie.

"You're not supposed to be out. I'm only here because of you." She looked me up and down. "Jesus, you're already buzzed."

"You had a choice, you didn't have to come."

"You're right. I had my fun, too. And now I'm choosing to leave. You should do the same so you don't get in trouble with Mom and Dad. I really don't wanna hear them run their mouths about it for the next few days."

"They can only get mad if you tell them."

"Gee, that'd be unfortunate."

"Then I'd tell them that you came out, too."

"Who do you think they'll be inclined to believe? Their daughter who'll be at home nice and sober, or their shitfaced son who won't be able to stand up straight?" The triumphant smirk was already twitching at her lips. "We both know you won't survive this party without getting drunk off your ass."

"Why do you insist on being such a bitch sometimes? You think you're so clever, but you're nothing but a brat."

"Whatever. I'm going home." She turned and began walking away.

"If you tell Mom and Dad about tonight, then your little secret's going to get out," I called after her.

"What are you talking about?" she said without turning around.

"You know what I'm talking about."

She stopped in her tracks, and suddenly I was the one with a smirk forming at the lips.

She whipped around and stomped back over to me. "That's not funny."

"Who said I was joking?"

"You're gonna threaten me with that because I'm trying to get you to come home? You'd really do that to me? I'm your sister."

"Funny how you only seem to remember that when it's your ass on the line." I turned on my heels and started back toward the house where the party still raged. "Run home now, Sid. Samara must be on her way there by now."

I'm starting to remember more.

***

The memories come back in tidbits. Images of the party; dancing, drinking, flashes of people making out or being destructive in Marcos' house. Most of it's from before I went off the deep end, though. I didn't get hammered until after the fight with Sidney. After that, it's still a blur.

I feel like an asshole, remembering the threat I made. I wouldn't have actually told her secret . . . Our secret, really. No way in hell. But I used it to scare her, and I regret that more than anything. It was the last interaction I had with my sister and the last interaction I'll ever have with her.