Dear Diary

32. SOMEONE TO LISTEN

J E R O M E

"Der, don't be upset," I say pathetically, as if that would work to placate him.

"I had a feeling something was up. I couldn't place it until I got home and noticed my journal missing when I knew for a fact I packed it. By the way . . ." He walks over to me, hand outstretched. "I'd like it back."

I sheepishly hand the journal over. "I'm sorry. We . . . I . . . wanted to figure something out."

"Figure out what?"

"Getting to the bottom of what really happened in August," Gio says, like ripping off a bandaid, as he stands to his feet.

"That's what this is about," Derek says, almost like he expected it. "You think I had something to do with it."

"That's not what it is," I say, also standing up. "We don't think you killed Sidney, but I thought you might know more."

"Why the hell couldn't you ask me?"

"Because you would've reacted like this. As if we're accusing you of murdering your sister."

Derek clenches his fists. "Bullshit. Stealing from me hasn't helped you any more than being upfront about it would've."

"We're sorry, Der," Samara says.

"Save your apologies. All you need to know is if I remembered anything for sure the police would be the first to know, because I guarantee that I want my sister's murder solved more than any one of you." He storms off, exiting the house and slamming the door behind him.

"Well, I feel like shit," Gio says.

Samara nods in agreement. "Makes two of us."

"We needed to know," I say, still trying to justify it. Still trying to make any of this worth it. "We had to know."

***

S A M A R A

I'm sitting on the couch with Gio in the wake of Derek leaving and Rome doing the same soon after. Gio's face is buried in his palms. At first I think he's crying, but he's not a big crier. In fact, I can't recall seeing him do it before Sidney died.

"Our lives suck," he says after what seems like forever. He looks up at me. "Listen, I'm sorry for my reaction to you and Brandan, okay? I struggle trusting the dude. I'm trying to get over it, but it's tough. And on top of that . . . he always swoops in and takes the girl I want."

I shift in my seat. "Gio, I'm not yours to take. Nor am I his. What's happening between Bran and I is confusing, and I'm still figuring it out. But at the end of the day, I can't concern myself with romance when I'm so concerned about my safety and the safety of my friends. I do love you, Gio. Just not in that way."

"The only girl I ever loved was Sid and all she did was toy with me," he says, forlorn. "So many years spent pining over her while I was dragged along like her obedient lapdog. I only sorta came to my senses last year when I started having feelings for you, but even then she still had an affect on me. I could never be completely free from her."

"You've liked me that long?" I ask after a brief pause.

"Are you surprised?" He looks at me with a sheepish half smile. "I mean, you're you: Sensitive. Compassionate. Caring. You stand on your own without needing to bring others down to do it . . . everything Sidney wasn't."

"Ah, I see. You're only into one extreme of the spectrum or the other: really nice or really bitchy."

He breaks into a laugh. "I've never heard you call Sid a bitch before."