Untitled Document

Untitled Part Five - Anita

The car ride is silent, the radio music only audible from my parents' seats. My head rests against the cool window, I try to keep my eyes closed and convince myself I'm asleep but it's not working. Mason doesn't need to know that my family thinks we've been dating for nearly two months, although it keeps nagging at the back of my mind. Jane was ecstatic as always. I'm most afraid of her reaction when we 'break-up' because I didn't expect her to be as excited as she was. Jack and Bill just took the opportunity to crack jokes. Predictable, but it's easy that way. That's what made it so easy for me to tell them I'm lesbian in the first place, I knew exactly how they were going to react and I was right.

Occasionally I try to sneak a glance at Mason to see if she's alright. It was selfish of me to wait until the last minute to drop this on her, I can't imagine how stressed out she must be right now. I check my phone for the millionth time, my music isn't even playing, I just keep checking the time and how much of it is left until we can get out of this car. I haven't decided on what will be worse, stuck sitting here, or having to go up to all my family with Mason following behind like a little duck.

I tap Mason's knee and give her a thumbs-up questionably. I don't miss her eyes looking ahead of us to see if any of my nosy family is watching. She nods but I don't think I believe her; she's not a very good liar.

"So Maisy," Jannett calls from the passenger seat, Mason somehow managing to catch this on top of her blaring music. "You excited? I know the rest of the family is."

It takes Mason a moment to respond as if she were contemplating on how to answer. "They are?"

Bill laughs, his face turning red in the effort. "Well they loved you last time you came with us, now you're really part of the family." Mason's smile shakes and she laughs nervously but doesn't say anything, for a split second she almost looks confused at what he's talking about.

"Now they can't say we've cheated when we kick their asses at games." I attempt to lighten the mood, or, Mason's mood at least.

Jack adds unhelpfully, "well I'll cheat regardless, but you get a pass."

"At least you'll have me there to cover up your tracks." I watch the moment Mason breaks her nervousness and falls back into the banter of being family, I smile so wide my cheeks hurt. Maybe at least this summer will fix whatever happened between us.

Jack claps loudly and lets out an unruly yelp, "that's what I'm talking about! It's good to have you back Milk." The number of nick-names Mason's developed from being with my family is astonishing, but familiar, it's good to hear. Everyone else agrees; I see it in their eyes and smiles, and I hear it in their cheery laughs.

...

By the time we arrive at the lodge the sun has begun its descent and half of my family is asleep, including Bill, but he only partially because he was driving; a poor habit he tries minimally to break. Mason fidgets with the wire of her earplugs and while everyone else begins to unpack the car, she prolongs getting out as long as possible. I'm struck with another stab of guilt but it's too late to do anything about that now. We'll just have to make the best of it, like it or not. The least I can do for now though is to let her take her time.

My family is impossible to miss. They look like a swarm of blackflies in the springtime, compliments fly, many of them backhanded but there's enough practised smiles that a by-passer wouldn't think anything of. Eyes land on me as I make my way across the field, in the back of the swarm one of my aunties leans over to another and they whisper to each other, judgemental eyes blaring in the day's dying light.

Where is her girlfriend? I imagine one asks the other.

Told you it was all a ruse so we'd believe she's actually a lesbian. The other would reply, a snide smile making her lips curl.

I brace myself as the blackflies come into earshot. "Anita!" Some of them say, "oh look how you've grown!" Another says and I reset the urge to cross my arms over my stomach, it's rare I'm self conscious but leave it to my family to fulfil that. I consider waving and then making a strategized escape to find Mason when an arm brushes mine and a hand links their fingers through my own. My first instinct is to pull away until I look over and see Mason, her head held high and eyes straight ahead, she gives my hand a small squeeze. She remembered. Of course, their scrutiny would be hard to forget, but still. Mason remembered the way only they could get under my skin. I'm not quite sure what I expected but I'm certain I didn't expect her to remember.

My heart gives a little flutter.

My family erupts into little gasps and exclamations, as if they thought this never possible.

"Mason!" Aunt Jaz is first to step forwards, proving to me she's my favourite. Jaz embraces Mason warmly, welcoming. Acceptance.

"Hi," Mason mumbles into her shoulder, still holding my hand.

"Hello dear! It's so nice to see you again!"

"You too, Jaz."

Jaz lets her go and looks between the two of us, the spark in her eye twinkles and something deep down tells me she's not so different from me and the people I'm attracted to. "Look at you two. I'm so happy for you," she says as she embraces me this time, not as long as she did Mason, but an accepting embrace nonetheless.

Bill, Jane, and Jack stand behind us now, taking- thankfully- the attention off Mason and I. The family breaks off around us and the greetings begin all over again. Questions. So many questions about how Mason and I got together. Thankfully, we're both improv masters, well, Mason is but I'm not too shabby if I do say so myself. Our story comes out to: "once we had both gotten over the scarce stage of admitting our feelings for each other, the only thing left to do was to get together, give or take a few details." Simple, believable, a lie, but an easy one.

We're led to our cabin to get settled in; thankfully someone's opened the doors and the widows to get rid of the winter must smell. Every year we come, our cabin changes but the nostalgia from the past summer doesn't. This year, the furniture has changed from cheap faux leather and dark colours to cotton and pastel. The kitchen remains untouched, the burn marks from a failed baking attempt (on my part) haven't faded, the carpets are still ugly as hell, and for the love of god I wish if they were to invest in anything they'd invest in new paintings. The ones here look like the ones you'd find in a sketchy motel out in the middle of nowhere. None of this, however, goes to change the fact that this place is still my second home.

Mason only lets go of my hand once we're alone in our joint room. My back is turned to her as I talk, mostly to myself, but when I get zero response I assume something is wrong. I turn around to find Mason standing still as a statue, rubbing her hand along her arm with more force than what seems comfortable, when my eyes meet hers I find them watering and realize she's been silent, holding back tears. The sight causes me to stop in my tracks and I stand just as frozen as Mason, unsure what I should say or do. This was a mistake. I never should have asked her to do this. Finally, I decide on giving her a hug, except when I move in to act on that Mason turns swiftly and speed walks out of the room, in the hallway the bathroom door closes loudly. Not quite a slam, but close. I'm left standing alone, stunned, embarrassed, and a bit of my heart missing.