Untitled Document

Untitled Part Thirteen - Mason

Three days until the game. The countdown is on.

Jannett has become tighter and more demanding in her schedule, asking more of us physically and allowing us less time to do as we wish. Last night, after most of the older family members had gone to sleep, the 'youth' of the family was talking about skipping today's session. So today, Jannett is running around ransacking the cabins searching for her missing family. Bill is trying to calm her, telling her it will be okay. Anita sits in the field looking bored as hell. It's funny really, because I know Jack was at the head of the operation. Not that I'm going to speak up about it. I want a break just as much as they do but I'm a horrible enough person without ditching something Jannett's put so much effort into.

Really, I am a horrible person.

I've been playing Anita May.

I've been using her to figure myself out at her expense, I've continued to do it even though I can see how it's been affecting her.

"Fine! Whatever. Everyone, go do whatever the hell you want." Jannett calls to the remaining people scattered across the camp. Almost immediately everyone goes to the lake, gone to swim on a hot day like today after being given the chance to have time off. Anita makes a move towards me, but I don't feel like talking to her right now.

 Instead, pretending I didn't see her, I head to the truck and pull out of the driveway. Once the camp is out of my eyesight I crank the radio so loud I can't hear myself think and the car shakes with the intensity of the volume. My vision shakes and I'm forced to pull over, frustrated with myself. This should be easy. Knowing this should be easy and I can't help but wonder why it's consuming me.

Once I tell Anita it will be better, I won't be lost in this game of lies and pretending.

 I need to tell her. And I need to tell her soon, with no distractions and the only time I'll be able to manage that is after the game. I need to be honest with Anita after the game of Capture the Flag, the first moment there's no distractions and the last moment before the time of our deal for the summer is up.

The song ends and I wipe my eyes clean, pulling off the side of the road.

 Three days.

Just three more days and then the nightmare is over. Just three more days and the truth will be out. Now I can only hope that when it does, Anita will be able to understand and she won't leave me again, because I don't know if I'd be able to handle it without drawing more attention. It would hurt more now, now that I know what I won't have with her, now that we have this summer together and all the nights spent on the dock in silence, the dancing in the rain, exploring, living, loving, all of it together. Mason and Anita together. The idea is so perfect and it would be so easy. But she deserves more than the lie I'm teasing before her, and right now I'm the only one who can give that to her.