Untitled Document

Untitled Part Six - Mason

*TW PANIC ATTACK*

The bathroom floor is cold and I've never hated acoustics more as I scramble to get my phone out of my pocket and dial the number correctly, praying I have service here. The phone rings and the sound echoes in a loud rhythm as I wait; shaking, rocking back and forth trying to stop myself from having a full blown breakdown. Acting, Anita said, it's like acting. And yet it seems both of us excused my post performance breakdown. It's wired into me it seems. Even if I didn't think I was nervous, the breakdown is inevitable.

"Come on, come on." I urge the phone to stop ringing so that I'm not alone. My voice is a whisper, a gasp, a prayer. I don't want to be alone. I had the option to be with Anita, but I don't want her comfort, and I don't need her apologies. It's my fault too but I just need to stop thinking, that's all I need and then I'll be better.

First though, I need Ari to answer the phone.

The ringing stops and I'm about to dial another number when I hear muffled shuffling from the other end of the line. I drop the phone in relief.

"Mason?" Ari asks, trying to find my face on her screen. "Hellooo?"

My phone lies face down on the floor. I didn't realize she switched the call to facetime. I pick the phone up off the floor and wave tentatively to the screen, "hi Ari."

Immediately her expression changes from excited to worried at the sight of my blotted red and puffy face. "Oh my god, what's wrong? What happened?"

I manage a small laugh through gasps for air as I cry, but can only manage a shrug and a head shake in a confusing response. My head falls into my hands and I just cry until I can't anymore. My shirt is soaked with tears from wiping my eyes, my sleeve is covered in snot from wiping my nose, and my chest rattles violently: the ugly reality of one of my breakdowns.

Ari sits and waits for me to come to. She doesn't say anything, but it's better that way, doesn't put any pressure on me to say anything before I'm ready to. If it weren't for the phone static I could've believed for a moment that she was here with me, my head resting on her shoulder. In my mind, Mac and Odin are there too. They'd argue and crack jokes with each other, all of them capable of reading the room and yet there's no putting a dent in their daily arguments and short lived feuds.

When I've calmed enough to speak, Ari says: "guess who I have with me, they might make you feel a little bit better." My only response is a small crease that forms between my eyebrows- I'm still catching my breath from hyperventilating. She stands from where she was sitting and crosses into another room, one with much more noise. As she enters, muffled questions sound and my heart flutters, wondering if I'm correctly hearing the voices I think I do.

"Oh, hey Art!"

"Ah nice of you to finally join us."

Then all at the same time, the voices shout: "MASON!" And Mac and Odin's faces come into frame.

"What!?" I gasp, my spirits rising at the very sight of them and selfishly wishing I was there with them. My phone is held nearly to my nose as I try to take in the sight of all my friends in the same place.
"Mac, I thought you were on vacation?"

Mac feigns hurt, clutching her non-existent pearls and Ari shoves her to the side, laughing at her drama. "I got back last week, thanks for coming to see me by the way."

Now Odin leans into the screen, looking not at me, but past me. "Maisy, where are you?" Air hisses through my teeth. I didn't exactly tell them I was going away for the summer with Anita, just vaguely- very vaguely- hinted at it.

"A bathroom." I try to lie my way out of it, pulling my phone closer to me so he can't see around it.

"Wait, are you crying?"

"No." We've come to an impasse and I settle for wrapping my arm around my face so it looks like I'm just resting my head against my arm, my sweater covers most of my blotchy face.

"Are you seriously trying to lie to me right now?" Odin has a history of being a human lie detector, to say the least. I thought maybe the pixelated screen would put a temporary stop to that.

"No."

"Mason."

"Yeah?"
"Come on. Where are you and why are you crying?"
I sigh deeply and take away everything I was trying to hide. "I'm at Anita's camp. She, uh, she asked me for a favour."

"YOU'RE WITH WHO?!" The trio says in unison, three faces pushing to be seen in the camera.

"Anita. I'm at her camp, with all her family."

"Why?" Ari asks, looking conflicted. Mac scowls but doesn't say anything, Odin is just silent; maybe he's disappointed in me. I hope not.

"Ahh," I briefly consider lying some more. Do they really need to know that I'm pretending to date the girl who left me in the dust for a number of months with no contact? It might make it harder to tell them the truth though. Why is this all so hard? It shouldn't be, it's not like we're actually dating or anything. "She asked me, um, asked me to keep her company while she's here. She said she hoped we could figure out where we went wrong, and hoped maybe we could be friends again. She said she's really sorry for everything that happened."

It's not hard to tell this lie because I've said this to myself every time I've doubted being here.

"Well that was awfully kind of you to go." Odin hisses, his tone acid. I chuckle nervously. "Regardless, are you okay?"

My eyes well up again, "um. I mean. It's a lot tougher than I thought." I fight for my voice to stay steady. Feeling is starting to come back to my body, I didn't realize how cold the tiled floor is. My bones ache for me to stand up and yet I feel too weak to do so.

"Maisy I'll drive to pick you up y'know, if you want?"

I shake my head, "no, I have to do this."

"Okay. You let me know. We lo–"

My service cuts out and I'm alone again.

I stare at my phone in disbelief. That's the end of that, then. Forcefully, I push myself off the bathroom floor and meet my face in the mirror. Completely unpresentable. From the corner of the room the setting sun glints off the lake and catches in the mirror, blinding me. Bingo.

Before leaving I unlock the bathroom door, but leave it closed, and then I climb out the window, nearly falling and destroying my getaway plan. I look both ways before crossing the yard, on the lookout for people, and make a break for the dock on the lake.

The sun has turned orange, the sky a swirl of pinks and purples. The lake looks dark and endless, I want to dive into it. I sigh a breath of relief allowing the cool air to calm my lungs and dry the tears from my face. My body clammers to the wooden dock, mentally exhausted so much so that my body has felt the toll as well.

I only stay collapsed for a moment, and before I remember doing so the motions of commonly practiced yoga flow through me. Taking the commandment from my mind, releasing the tension through my body.

Time is lost in the smooth movement with the fading light being the only tell-tale sign of the world continuing to spin. There came a point when I felt eyes on my back, the kind of feeling where it's not paranoia and you don't have to look, you just know. And I just know that Anita has been watching me from the hill above the dock. For a while she doesn't come down, she just sits on the hill and watches me and then eventually she slowly comes down to stand at the shore edge, just out of the water's reach. Neither one of us addresses the other's presence; we continue on as two people in their own worlds within the same planet. I revel in the peace of it while I still can because we won't be like this forever, we can't be like this forever. One day within this same planet our worlds will, not meet, but combine, because that's what worlds do.