dont let me go <3 -matt sturniolo

youtube comments.

the next day, chandler walks out to her kitchen and talks to her mom.

"hey mom. sorry i've been hanging out with those triplets all the time. i haven't been home for a while," she says to her.

"it's alright sweetie. you should go hang out with your friends."

"okay. i'm going to stay her for a bit and talk to you guys but i was planning on going over there again later, if that's alright."

"yeah you go ahead honey. go have fun."

chandler gets a pop tart from the pantry and sits at the counter. she talks to her mom, filling her in on everything and showing her pictures. 

later, matt tells chandler that he is gonna pick her up. 

chandler and matt walk into the sturniolo's house and nick immediately hugs chandler. 

"CHANDLER!"

"NICK!" chandler hugs him back. "it's hasn't even been a day yet," she says, laughing at nick's excitement. 

"chandler," chris says, walking into the kitchen where everyone else is, "look at how many views are youtube video got." 

chris shows chandler the video they all made together. it had 3.7 million views and it was posted two days ago. 

chandler took chris's phone and looked at it. she started scrolling through some of the  comments. 

ew she's so ugly .

why is she hanging out with them?

she's so annoying.

why do they wanna hang out with her?

she talks too much. 

look at the way she's eating! omg she's so fat. 

chandler starts to tear up, but she quickly shuts the phone off and hands it back to chris. 

she is already standing by matt so she grabs his hand and squeezed it tightly. matt notices that something is wrong. "hey, we're gonna go up to my room for a bit." chandler nods, trying to not cry. 

they walk up to matt's room and chandler breaks down in tears. 

"chandler, hey what's wrong?" matt asks, both of his hands resting on her shoulders. 

"i seen some of the things people were saying about me in the comments of our youtube video."  

"what things?" matt asks in a worried tone. 

chandler keeps crying, unable to talk. so matt pulls open youtube and scrolls through the comments. he sees all of the comments chandler was talking about. "oh baby, it's okay. none of that is true. trust me." 

"i've always been told these things

matt hugs her tightly. chandler hugs him back tighter. he comforts her until she stops crying. soon, they go back downstairs with everyone else. they order food from in and out. matt drives chris to go get the food; nick and chandler stay home and pick out a show to watch. they turn on scooby doo. 

as the movie finished, everyone was sleeping except for chandler. all she could think about was those comments. she carefully gets up without waking up matt, who is peacefully sleeping, and walks off to the bathroom. tears started forming in her eyes. she stares at herself in the mirror. 

(possible trigger warning) 

slowly and quietly, chandler closes the door.  now, she's bawling but she doesn't want to be too loud. chandler stares at herself in the mirror, looking specifically at her face. after a while, she gets tired of looking at herself and her eyes trail down her body, stopping at her stomach. 

chandler slowly lifts up her shirt, now staring at her stomach. she stuffs the bottom of her shirt in her bra so she doesn't have to hold it. still crying, chandler starts grabbing and scratching her stomach. she realizes why everyone was commenting on her body. 

her dad has commented on her body before. but her family always told her otherwise. now chandler is seeing what her dad saw. at this moment, she had an intrusive thought. so, instinctively, she allowed her body to do what it wanted.

(trigger warning) 

quietly, chandler walked to nick's room, remembering that he is sort of crafty. she goes to his makeup desk and finds an exact o knife. hurriedly, chandler runs back to the bathroom. 

again, she's standing in front of the mirror staring at herself. she lifts her shirt again and places the knife to her stomach. crying, she started to make marks. they were white at first from just the first layer of skin. as she continues, it gets quickly red. 

it hurts so bad but feels so good. 

after a little while, chandler realizes what shes doing and stops. still staring at herself in the mirror, she drops her shirt and walks out of the bathroom. she puts the knife in her purse and goes up to sleep in matt's room. soon enough, she falls asleep.

author's note: 

guys i am so sorry for not posting for a few months. i was in volleyball season and school has gotten me stressed out. but volleyball is over and i'm almost on winter break. i will be trying to update through break! 

much love <33