Attraction ~ a STONY Story ~

Chapter 13

A thousand thoughts flooded Steve. And with him came one feeling after another. Rage. Fear. Disappointment, sadness, jealousy, envy. He wanted to pull Tony away, hug him tight. He wanted to push Bucky down, keep him away from him.

It was like a switch had flipped inside him. His hands were throbbing and he felt the tremendous urge to destroy something.

With quick and big steps he went to both of them. It was overwhelming. Before he realized what he had done, he punched Bucky in the face. Impulsive. Blind. Overflowing with his feelings. Bucky didn't fight back and fell backwards. He crashed into one of Tony's lab tables. A vibrating sound of metallic objects reverberated around the room. Bucky touched his glowing cheek and looked at Steve with a touch of approval.

Something pushed his shoulders to the side. A pressure that could not be felt more than a fingertip. But when he looked to the side, he saw Stark's strained and frightened face.

"What the hell?" Tony blurted out. He was trying to be strong but Tony's shaking body told Steve how scared he was.

He looked down at his fists. He was stiff with anger. The last time he felt something like that...the last time...Oh no!

It wasn't just his own helplessness of the situation that haunted him, it wasn't just jealousy and self-hatred, it was desire. A strange greedy feeling. This was the result of his emotional chaos. An outlet to vent his feelings in this way. An urge to smash everything with his fists. A strong need that he gave in to, even if only for a brief moment. A moment that ruined everything.

Had he been wrong all these years? Was he the monster?

But whatever he did, he did it with conviction. He wanted to save the innocent, stand up for them. He firmly believed in it. What else should he have done. What was he born for, what was he made for? Right? But this, this was anger, this was desire. No. It wasn't him. It couldn't be him. Right?

Steve realized what he had triggered. He saw it in Tony's face. The same trauma that plagued him night after night. That moment that changed everything.

He shut his eyes tight, praying in his head that none of this was real, but when he opened them and saw Tony helping Bucky up, he realized it was too late.

"I'm sorry," he murmured before the other two could see him afterwards. Steve was gone.

It was a mistake. Why was he here? Why couldn't they just stay in Wakanda? Why did Bucky want to come here? Why did Tony want to help Bucky? What exactly is going on between them? Fuck! The anger just wouldn't let him go.

He needed something to get his mind on. Something that would bring him to his senses. Natasha would certainly be able to say the right thing to him. Help him regain his sanity? Or Bruce? Where was Bruce? He needed his friends. He needed to talk to someone. But all of his colleagues had swarmed out. Sure he could have visited Clint, but he didn't want to burden him with his problems. He allowed him the quiet time with his family. Clint and Scott were also under surveillance. Steve and Bucky were safe, Tony vouched for them.

Tony has done so many things. Why? Bucky's arm, a new deal, a liberation yet to be enforced. Why? A new home. Was it that? A home? Steve wanted it so badly.

If only he could just hate Tony. But he couldn't. Quite the opposite. He just couldn't let go of him. Nightly. Every dream. Any vision. Oh god, why are you punishing me like this?

He went to his room, looked nostalgically at his painted door and stepped inside. Everything was in its place as before, only cleaner. Steve loved the order. Right? He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure about so many things anymore. Tony was different. Tony was chaotic, erratic, impulsive, exciting, passionate, ambitious and just breathtaking.