Ursula

Chapter 13 A Shattered Heart

Ursula

I believe I may have scared Triton enough to keep him at the palace. Though, his presence here has done more to bring about a negative atmosphere than anything else.
He swims around the halls sulking. The staff trailing his tail awaiting instructions that seldom come. Sebastian is never far behind, the impotent shellfish. He just wonders aimlessly, mumbling to himself.
I've tried to call on the prince to join me for breakfast, hoping we could chat. Perhaps ignite feeling in him. Feelings he may develop for me and extinguish whatever he felt towards that red headed mermaid. My efforts have all gone in vain. I should have known by now that getting Triton to feel for me that I have felt for him, would take more than my petty simple attempts. It's taken this for me to see that.
Triton may never love me.
The way my heart twists and contorts in my chest at the thought... well, it's almost unbearable. My stomach holds a weight of emotion I can hardly contain. My body feels like it's trying to implode on itself. I want to curl into myself and feel nothing but I fear I am feeling everything. The emotions are too much to handle and so I have been spending most of my time doing busy work for my mother. Keeping myself occupied with mundane tasks that don't require me to think too much. When I'm not actively doing something for her, I'm in my lair. Having Flotsam and Jetsam bring me needy and desperate merpeople to make deals with. I've hardly slept a wink. Each time I lay in bed, trying to sleep, all my mind does is replay the scene I witnessed of Triton and that mermaid holding hands and gazing at each other with more love in their eyes than I have ever seen. I avoid sleep now. I avoid the quiet lonely moments to myself because of this. I now steal a moment here and there, passed out on some seat just to gain some energy to keep going. Whether it be the day room couch or the giant clam-turned-bed in my lair. I've almost fallen asleep at meals but the food has kept me motivated and somewhat energized.
On the one occasion Triton chose to attend a meal with me, he stared at his plate. He would only bless me with closed off answers that were short and to the point. It was like speaking to a statue. He was cold, hard, and standoffish.
I knew I may have my work cut out for me if I had any hope of keeping Athena out of his thoughts.
Try as I might whatever it is I am doing—or not doing—he doesn't seem to care. I wish I could speak with Vanessa, tell her my worries and ask her advice on how to woo Triton. I've tried venting my frustrations to her, where she rests in a garden bed of my making in the leviathan corpse, I call a lair. She cannot speak though. She makes agonizing noises long enough until I cannot bare to hear her anymore. She sounds like she's almost in pain. Over some time, I've learned to tune out the sounds. It's easier that way. The guilt I feel over what happened to her eats away at me. Adding the weight of what I feel seeing her mother, joined next to her in that same sad state of being... it's hard to compartmentalize my feelings.
The only solace I get is the thought that at least Vanessa is no longer alone there. She has her mother to keep her company. Something I had to do. She was growing too suspicious over Vanessa's leave and couldn't stop questioning. My sea witch mother told me to take care of the issue. I'm only relieved she didn't include instructions with her demand.
The garden has also grown as a few other merfolk that couldn't pay the price joined them. I've noticed something about that too. My power feels like it's growing. Perhaps leeching off of the souls I reduced to almost nothing. I want to be upset for them. I do... but the surge of power I feel is becoming addictive. Part of me wants more merfolk to not be able to follow through.
I find myself more often making the terms of our agreements more strict. Harder to follow than previous deals I've made. My costs are too high. The timelines I give them are too short. I've helped plenty though, I tell myself. It's time I got something out of it.
It's true there are dozens of merfolk now that have made a deal with me and have seen it through. In the whole, I've been a saint. I'd like to think so anyway.
Mother has been giving me disapproving looks anytime I'm in her company like she knows what I've been up to but is too shy to speak such things aloud. I believe she stays silent to preserve her eldest daughter from the consequences of her immoral actions.
I ache and I don't know how to fix it. I did everything for him. Presenting myself as close to what I thought Prince Triton desired as I could. For someone my mother claimed to be so perfect, I clearly wasn't up to par with the person I sought.
I'm left here to mend the broken pieces of my shattered heart all by myself. My mother could care less about my emotions so long as it does not impede her plans to wed me off to a man who will not love me.
"Ursula?" Morgana chirps, leaning from the doorway into the day room where I currently reside.
"What is it?" I spat. I'm in no mood to be civil, not even to my sister.
She enters the room cautiously, noting my disheveled hair and smeared makeup. I had tried to take a quick nap after reviewing some papers my mother thought I ought to see. The guest list for the wedding. She wants me to memorize each and every name on it. After reading a half a dozen or so merfolks names, I dozed off.
"Are you... alright?" She asks, pulling her hands into her chest.
"Of course, I am," I smile. A facade of an upbeat attitude lacing my tone.
"It just seems like maybe..." she looks down. "Maybe you've been stressed—about the wedding perhaps?"
"Perhaps," I eyed her suspiciously.
"Mother asked me if I knew why you haven't been sleeping..." she adds.
"Has she now? I'm surprised she even noticed," I huff.
"I think everyone has," Morgana says solemnly and I frown at her words. "It's just... we've noticed you've been absent most nights and are seen working throughout the day here... it's just very curious."
"You need not worry, sister. I'm fine." I get up off the day bed and smooth out my hands on my torso.
As I march over to a nearby vanity, my sister chimes in, "the prince seems to be in poor spirits as well. Did something happen between you two?"
My heart lurches and I try my best to recover quickly without my sister's notice. "No," I say quickly. "Just wedding nerves, I'm sure. Both of us," I quickly supplied.
"Oh... well, it is coming up soon. Hardly a few days away."
My eyes shoot forward, "a few days already?"
"Yes," she nods. "I believe it's in about three days."
"Oh yes, of course. How could I forget?" I've been so busy with, well, keeping myself busy that I hadn't realized the many days that had passed. Three days left? How am I supposed to get Triton to fall in love with me in three days? It's impossible.
"Mother expects you at dinner tonight," my sister informs me.
"Doesn't she always?" I joke.
She smiles, but her mouth doesn't reach her eyes. The sadness still looming there. "Would you like any help with your—erm—hair?" She asks.
I look over into the vanity mirror and see my hair really is a mess that goes with the smeared red lipstick on my mouth. I look utterly distressed.
"Yes, I think I'd like that."
Her eyes light up at that and she rushes to my side as I sit in front of the mirror. She works on my hair diligently and begins to hum. A tune I'm only familiar with because Poseidon has this particular melody played constantly at every feast. She tries to sing out a few words but they come out scratchy. She gives me a sympathetic look just as she catches me wincing in the mirror.
"I wish I could sing," she murmurs as she struggles to untangle one section of hair.
I frown, "I wish I could too."