𝕸𝖎𝖓𝖉 𝕺𝖋 𝕸𝖎𝖓𝖊

you

for a pretty long time, i have been asking myself in the back of my mind how and why i grow attached to people so quickly. 

usually i have lots of crushes at the same time and mostly, it's people i don't know, people i've never even talked to except for a few "hi's" if they happened to be with somebody my friend group knew. well, except for that one time i crushed on one of my best friends a year ago... but that story is for another day. 

up until now, i've never met somebody quite like you. 

i've never met somebody with such a calming aura, such a wonderful vibe and such a wise, vibrant personality who at the same time manages to look attractive from head to toe. 

unlike most of my friends, you listened when it sounded like i was joking about my problems. you sat down next to me when you barely knew me, focused your whole, overwhelming attention on me as those beautiful, big, interested eyes stared into mine. you solved the knot in my brain with a few, simple words and i could barely believe it. could barely believe that the solution had been there all this time and i had been too stupid to work it out. 

when you took me home on your scooter, it was the first time i ever got onto one of those things in my life. i was happy that i didn't have to drive it by myself. 

i could just feel how our bodies were pressed up against each other in such a warm, loving way, felt the grip of my hands on you as i rested my chin on your left shoulder. i could feel the wind playing with my long skirt and the drive was over way too soon. 

i would've never thought that i would've gotten onto such a scooter. 

i was filled with fear and anxiety. but when i met you, there was such a deep sense of trust overflowing within me. 

so now... what is the problem? 

well, the problem is that i can't have you. 

no matter how many spells i say, no matter how many pink candles i light, nothing can change the fact that right now, you're with your heather. 

and the saddest part is that i just want you to be happy. as long as i see your face light up whenever you see her, my pain will mix with your happiness. and i don't know what's worse about this mixture - the fact that you are just out of my heart's reach or the fact that you have no idea what happens inside of me every time you kiss her. 

Only if you knew how much I liked you, but I watch your eyes as she walks by 

What a sight for sore eyes, brighter than the blue sky

She's got you mesmerized while I die

Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty

Watch as she stands with her holding your hand, put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder

But how could I hate her? She's such an angel
But then again, kinda wish she were dead

wish i were heather. 

(all credits to the lyrics from the song "heather" go to conan gray)