It's been a month (if only there was a word to describe the said month) since we, as in, Jeremiah and I, tried checking out all of the boxes on my bucket list. I knew I wouldn't be able to check them all out, of course but we did the ones I really, really wanted to do.
But, there were some things. Things that kept bubbling inside me or was it just my head? The point is, even though the past month has been amazing, at the same time, I've wanted to run away. A lot. I feel maybe it's something to do with a guy. To be specific, my graciously nice, amazingly beautiful, ridiculously funny, smart and a lot of things combined-neighbour who happens to be living right opposite of my apartment.
What's even funny is my journal running out of pages because of the past month and this week- spending all my free time on scribbling the past days' happenings as if my life depends on it.
The past few days have been an ongoing cycle of me avoiding Jeremiah on some days and then some days where I let him in. I hate it. I hate myself for letting him in sometimes. I hate that my dumb self is still naive. I thought after all those years of calamity and countless tears being shed on a daily basis, the amount of times I kept telling myself 'there's just no one for you Isabelle. No one. Just live.' I didn't mean in any way to be selfish, quite the opposite actually, but I wanted to limit myself with my surroundings, the people around me.
I wanted to put a stop to relationships.
I didn't want to go through the pain of not being loved back or to be made a fool or to be taken advantage over and over again. I didn't want to feel lifeless just because phases in life, or rather the people that come along are just sometimes hard.
Training yourself to do the opposite of what your true character is is hopeless. No matter how you try to just be closed off when in nature you're not. No matter how much you push yourself to be an introvert when you're not. No matter however much you try to be that someone who is not you... it won't work. Like a cycle, you force yourself in a bubble that's not yours to be in.
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Life After You
RomanceLife After You is the life of a college girl who finally finds her true self after years of torment and living in the darkness thinking there's no point in being hopeful or to even have an ounce of positivity when she has years of bad experiences al...
