In Small Heath | Peaky Blinders

four; a broken man in the mirror

Overly dressed and overly stressed, Bash Shelby was a man who couldn't hide his feelings from his face. Many say that the eyes can tell a thousand stories but the grimaces that haven't left the third born Shelby's face since they had left the West Midlands told things a little more as it was.

Raw, unadulterated, honest.

Nothing could've been done to hide what he felt, many had tried and all had failed. He was just that kind of person, much to Arthur Seniors disdain.

As he stated at himself in the tall mirror, he noticed a man staring back at him, but it wasn't him. It was a broken man, one who had done things he regretted, things he wished he could take back, someone who's smile barely broke the surface of his face.

Bash had to face everything life threw at him and rise above it.

"What's happening, Bash?" Little Finn asked, his big green eyes staring up at his older brother.

Now, he had to face telling his little brother- his favourite little human that life had ever been able to offer him, that things were going to change.

Finn didn't deal with change well... or at all, really. But none of the Shelbys did, they all did their bests to steer their lives into the directions that either didn't involve change or involved the smallest microscopic traces of change that made it barely negligible in their day to day lives.

Marriage wasn't microscopic. Nothing about this change was even remotely small and insignificant.

"I'm getting married, Finney- but don't you worry. I'm not going anywhere." Bash replied whilst getting down to Finns level.

He didn't know what Finns little brain could comprehend, he hadn't ever had to tell someone this young anything really. Finn was the one to tell Bash things, about how the leaves fall down when the wind blows (even though he knew this already), or how Miss Platt next door left her laundry out in the rain and it froze.

"You're not leaving?" His big eyes looked up, almost flooding with tears that would never fall.

"No, lad, I'm not leaving."

Finn pulled Bash into a big, big, hug, arms encapsulating as much of his big brother as they could. It was as if he was telling his big brother that everything was going to be okay because they weren't going anywhere and that nothing was going to chance...

But it was, and deep down Bash knew that Finn was aware of the changes to come. Maybe he was just trying to make him feel better.

"Alright little man, go and find John. Ask him about the horses, I'm sure he's got lots to tell you about em'."

After placing a kiss against his cheek, Finn was off like a whippet in the wind, his little footsteps and laughter brought a small but effective smile to Bash's face.

If only he could be that age again, to have no fears in the world but spiders and ghosts.

Half an hour had passed since the Shelbys had all settled into their uncomfortably formal suits and dresses, and yet Bash was still stuck staring at the reflection of a man he didn't recognise. He hated it, but the things he did for his family would forever be more important than the things he could have ever done for himself.

Ada had popped her head in once or twice, dropping off a glass of whiskey and a slice of cake as she passed by the room he was sat in.

Bash kept messing with his tie, untying it and retrying it. Anything to prolong going out of the comfort of the box room and into the so called engagement party.

That was too London for him.

Ada was loving it, any excuse for a party and she was right there.

At least a few of the Shelby lot was having fun. Polly and Ada had made their rounds, being friendly with the posh Londoners, whilst John and Finn seemed to be avoiding everything and everyone, talking about horses like Bash told Finn too, and — sucking petroleum from the cars.

Typical teenaged boy behaviour. At least they hadn't started gambling yet, and despite Finn being too small to see the table he was incredibly good at winning Black Jack.

Footsteps were a constant thing in the weird hotel / house that the Longleys had been keeping the Shelbys in. Bash never knew if people were coming or going, looking for him or simply just wandering the halls aimlessly. However, he could always tell when those footsteps belonged to someone of his calibre.

The jingle of loose shillings in pockets, the heaviness of each thudded step. His brothers had no grace and his sister wasn't far off.

Polly on the other hand, was quite the silent assassin. Constantly opening the door just to make sure her nephew still had breath in his lungs. Sadly, this was the case every time he had to hear the squeak of the door opening. It didn't take long for Polly to grow more comfortable with the idea of him being hauled up in that room.

Heads popped in out of curiosity but they never stayed for longer than a second, even the little children just ran past.

Unbeknownst to Bash himself, it was because Arthur had been stood guarding the door like a bulldog guarding their food. All Bash wanted was a few wise words from his brothers and maybe a kick up the backside.

He'd be more likely to get the latter than the former, however.

"Stop your moping, Bash." Toms voice called out, breaking the silence that he'd been sat in.

He hadn't even noticed Tommy stood leaning against the frame, both hands in his pockets, presumably a hand clutching his pocket watch whilst the other just sat there.

Bash rolled his eyes, beckoning his brother to come in with a slight shift of his head.

Once Tom started to walk in, in followed Arthur, John and Finn- who had a fist full of coins he'd won during a cheaters game of cards.

"Even the longest of days will eventually come to an end, brother." Tommys wise words circled around Bash's head, the faintest of smiles floated across his lips before vanishing.

Marriage was, for many, something they longed for, but for a family such as the Shelbys, it was a commitment, something otherworldly. It meant total sacrifice in the eyes of the Lord but how could Sebastian Shelby sacrifice his heart, his life for someone who couldn't say his name without a grimace.

"But—" Arthur started, in defence of his subconsciouses favourite brother.

Tommy was quick to reply; "But nothing, Arf. Everything will eventually end."

Bash wasn't so used to hearing Arthur stick up for anything but the bottle and fighting, so he did feel that he wasn't the only one to feel the way he did.

"But this is an eternity in misery, Tom. I don't even like women. I'm only doing this shit for you lot, think of the opportunities the Longley family could give us?"

Money had never been an issue for the Shelbys, not since they opened the betting shop and started their small racketeering side hustle. But they had never had many opportunities to make real names for themselves with legitimate businesses. They'd be able to send Finn to the best school in the country if it was what he wanted, give Ada everything she could possibly want and maybe even allow Arthur to open his own boxing ring.

"You should really go out there now, Sebastian." Ada's voice called out from the door, her body leaning half way in.

Noticing the look on her brothers face, her hand extended towards him. If he was to do this, he wouldn't be doing it alone. Not if any of his siblings had anything to say about it.

"Fuck it." Arthur and Bash said at the same time, earning a short burst of quiet laughter from the group of vagabonds.

Better now than an hour ago, Bash thought to himself, finally dropping his hands back down to his sides.

"C'mon then, you wild bunch of bastards."