Fly Away

38 - giving in

Song: PLAZA - Personal - [slowed & reverb]

Mia

When I wake up, my skin is hot and my pants are wet.

Immediate flashes of hands, hips and lips conjure up in my mind, and my eyes widen when I realise what they all are.

I had a wet dream, and Rocco was the main character.

I have no idea what the stimulation was, because I've been pissed at him since yesterday and none of those kinds of thoughts have even entered my mind, so this is unexpected.

It's bad, because I should be totally and completely mad at him right now, but I can't help rerunning that dream through my head.

I need to force it out, otherwise I'm going to give in to him and I really don't want to do that.

I need to figure myself out, and try to get my life sorted before worrying about my man problems.

I throw off the blankets, careful not to whack Zeus' sleeping form as I get up out of bed and walk over to the bathroom, my wrapped shoulder less painful but still sore. I need to change my bandages today because I don't want to get the wound infected.

The weather is getting colder now, and I'm pretty sure that in a few weeks winter will start to make a show and snow will finally begin to fall. I honestly can't wait because the wintery atmosphere is so cosy, and the soft snow beneath my feet brings a sense of comfort.

I wash up and tie my hair in a messy bun before discarding my pants and opting for a pair of shorts. The house is like a damn furnace, and I'm not subjecting myself to torturous heat in joggers.

I kiss Zeus on the head before making my way downstairs and into the kitchen, walking past the Tv that's playing a sports channel, and the man sitting on the sofa.

I can feel his gaze on me as I walk past, but I don't look at him, pretending he's not there as I open up the fridge to find something to eat.

I'm still shocked as to why he would lie to me, and so easily too. It never seemed like he knew me, not once, but I guess he's a pro at deception and manipulation. It only hurts more thinking about it.

I close the fridge after not finding anything appetising, and remind myself that I need to buy some more cherries along with some dog food for Zeus, so I put it on my mental to-do list for today, right before looking for job prospects.

I'm hoping to find somewhere in a Cafe or a calm working environment, but at this point I'll get anything I can. Plus, I can't be picky with where I work considering my lack of experience on the matter.

I fill up a cold glass of water, hoping to calm my nerves from Rocco's intense stare on my back, but the drink does nothing to quell my anxiety.

I think back to all those years lost, forgotten for so long because no one cared about me enough to tell me. Maybe if I died in that crash it would have given everyone some relief to the torture they seem to suffer from at having me around.

For the millionth time in my life, I question.

Why?