Western Omelette

When Things Go Wrong

The shots and the loud whoops had the passengers looking about frantically. Above, they could hear the driver swearing, and urging on the team. Alicia leaned across and stuck her head out the window to see what was happening, and saw three riders wildly chasing the stage and firing their guns into the air.

"They must be robbers," she declared, bouncing back into the corner.

"Well I don't intend to be robbed." The frowning man waved a large pistol and moved to the window, crushing the elderly lady into the corner. He stuck his arm out and fired.

"Don't be shooting back, you durned fool!" The driver yelled down as the stage began to slow.

It rocked to a halt, and the three riders appeared out of the dust, coughing and waving their sombreros. Alicia listened as the driver seemed to be arguing with the robbers, then he swore aloud as he jumped down, and opened the door.

"Everybody out, and you put that iron away, Mister. Just do as they say, and we'll be on our way."

The passengers stood in a line beside the stage, glaring at the Mexican strutting in front of them. He stopped and stood with his hands on his hips, looking back at his companions with a smug face.

"You weel geeve me all your monny," he sang in his accented English.

"I most certainly will not." Alicia set her jaw.

Eyes opened wide. "Señorita, I denk you didn't hear me. All your monny!"

"I heard you perfectly well, as hard as it was to endure."

The driver took off his hat and moaned, slumping against the stage.

"Deese is no joke, Señorita. You denk I am joking?" He spun around to his comrades. "Does she denk I am joking?"

"Solo dispárale y deja de perder el tiempo.' One man waved an impatient hand.

"No! No shooting," the driver moved between them. "You boys are in enough trouble already, you don't want to be shootin' folks too."

"She denks I make jokes." Petulant.

"You are a joke--"

"Ma'am, please." The driver turned to Alicia. "Don't agitate, let me deal with this.

"This is ridiculous," she scoffed and turned away.

"¿Los vas a robar o nor?"

"Si, si, un minuto."

"Oscar, listen--"

"Aiee! Don't use my name, Greengo. Now they all know."

"We know all your names." The diver looked perplexed. "You spend more time in the Nugget jail than you do out here!"

The third man climbed down and walked over to the elderly lady, silently holding out his hand for her purse.

"Don't you dare touch that woman's purse." Alicia pointed a rigid finger.

"¿Qué está pasando aquí, podemos terminar con el atraco?" The man still mounted held his hands up to the sky, pleading.

"Yeah, well it woulda been over long ago," the driver shouted back, "if Oscar here hadn't been so danged melodramatic."

Everyone looked at the driver. "Melodramatic?" A voice whispered.

While they all stood in silent contemplation, another whoop was heard, and an arrow buried itself in the side of the stagecoach.

"Oh, no, not this bunch too. Quick, get inside." The driver clambered up into the seat and grabbed the reigns. "Hang on!"

Oscar tried to get in as well, and was shoved abruptly to the ground, by Alicia as she pushed the other woman safely inside. The stage took off with a jolt as more arrows thudded into the carriage.