Lake of Fire [k. cobain]

twelve

Kurt

I was wide awake, lying in bed with Andi. She was so beautiful, stretched out across my chest. I hoped last night had been as special for her as it had been for me.

I wasn't sure what I was doing with her. I sure as hell wasn't being myself. I wasn't quite sure how I was letting this fantasy go on, or why. Well, I knew why. I wanted to be everything for Andi. She was an amazing girl. I felt more for her than I had for Courtney in years. I think I loved her.

I was digging myself into a disastrous mess but I couldn't stop. When Andi stirred against me, I wrapped my arms tightly around her.

"Good morning, Kurt," she whispered to me.

"Good morning, darling," I answered, grinning at her just to see her smile back at me.

I stroked the side of her face. She was utter perfection. I'd never seen someone so beautiful. She grinned at me.

"How did you sleep?" I asked.

"Amazing," she answered, stretching. "This bed is so comfortable." I hoped she loved everything about this cabin. I'd buy it in a heartbeat and live here with her. She made me want to live again, when I hadn't in such a long time.

"I hope you like it here," I answered her.

"I love it. I love everything about it."

"And I love you," I blurted out. Andi's eyes went wide.

"W—what?" She gasped. I felt stricken from what I had said.  "I—I love you too," she added.

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes, I love you, Kurt," answered Andi.

"I love you so much."  I kissed her silky soft lips as I grazed my hands over her beautiful body. I needed her again. Fortunately she responded to me eagerly.

When we made love, it was perfect. I felt like she was made for me. I hoped this was as incredibly special for her as I wanted it to be, and as it was for me. I took my time and worshipped her the way she deserved.

Afterwards, I held her.

"I love you so much, Andi."

"I love you, Kurt."

We cuddled up together and stayed in bed late. Afterwards, I made us some coffee and I had a smoke. We sat together on the gorgeous wrap-around porch that overlooked the trees and mountains.

"This place is so magnificent!" exclaimed Andi, who was getting her first look during daylight. "Kurt, I love it here." I beamed at her. I was so happy to hear that.

"I would love to spend all my time here with you. Like this."

"That would be amazing, Kurt. It's just..."

"Just what?"

"Well, my family. I couldn't leave them behind. And you have a career. An amazing career...". I sighed.

"Andi. I would give it all up in a heartbeat for you. I'm tired of my life. So very fucking tired of it. But you make me feel alive again, Andi. I will take care of you and your family for the rest of your life..." Now I was tearing up and I knew I had said too much.

But Andi simply wrapped her arms around me.

"Kurt, let's not decide the future right now. Let's just enjoy our time here for the weekend."

"You're right, sweetheart," I answered, wrapping my arms around her too and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

We passed the day listening to records and watching old movies, cuddled up on the cozy couch.

I took pride in actually stocking the house with food, so I fixed us sandwiches for lunch. When dinner came around, I suggested we try to cook something together.

Andi chose chicken, which didn't surprise me, and she wanted to fry it, which I had no idea how to do.

"It's okay. I got this. Just help me," she answered.

"Of course."

We heated up oil and breaded the chicken. We checked the temperature as we let it fry. It smelled delicious. I fixed some mashed potatoes and corn while Andi finished up the chicken.

When we sat down to dinner, I was thoroughly impressed. I took a bite of chicken.

"Wow, Andi. This is fucking delicious. This makes KFC seem like garbage." Andi laughed.

"Thank you. It was my grandma's recipe. My cousins and Benny love it when I make it for them." I smiled at Andi, admiring her deep sense of caring for her family. I wished that I had the same, but I simply could not.

We ate in mostly silence, enjoying the delicious food. I wished that Andi would agree to this life with me. I could get used to this with her in a heartbeat. I could give up everything for her and finally be happy.

But there was still one glaring detail... one thing Andi seemed not to know. I had hoped she'd figure it out when she said she'd gone and researched all my music, but somehow she hadn't. And apparently no one had told her. Because she had no idea that I was married and had a kid.

I had no idea how I could possibly approach telling her. She was going to hate me and I couldn't possibly live with that. So, I simply hadn't brought it up. But sooner or later she was going to find out somehow. If it wasn't from me, I feared that it would be even worse. But how on earth could I possibly tell her? How could I fuck up everything that we shared?