Adventures of Funky Monkey

Funky monkeys cosmic dust

Did you know I was the first human to discover cosmic dust? That's right. Funky Monkey was the first ever to find the stuff and if it hadnt been for me the world would have never known of the coz bombs or the coz radiation desieses.

Yes I know, that's why we don't have a mars base anymore. Are you telling this or am i?

Anywho. There i was just hiding out out for a few weeks from the alimony offices. They had heard i was was mining kraton on mercury and was working on getting their ninety-six percent share for the exes. I had a full hull and wasn't planning on sharing this first batch. The mary lou was in dire need of repairs and provisions. That kraton was enough to do both and leave me with a little for a upgrade to the sound system. You see, I don't mind paying my fair share to all women I've loved but I had priorities.

I shut off all Mary Lou's nav equipment so I would be invisible to the agent ships that I knew were following me. Most people say "oh that's dangerous" but let me stop you right there. I'm not one that likes to boast or brag but you're looking at the best navigator slash pilot in the galaxy. That's not my words, I'm just repeating what is common knowledge.

A week into the journey the old head backed up. I told you Mary Lou needed repairs. It was a simple fix the recycler pump had fried and I knew I could replace it with the freshwater pump. The problem was I couldn't find a 10mm socket anywhere to bolt the pump. yeah , yeah, i know most people would have just given up but not The Funky Monkey. I was by far the best engineer I know and devised there was really no need for swapping pumps when I could just switch the lines going to the pumps. So after a little retrofitting and some creative use of a boot, some duct tape, and some of those aluminum foil wrappers that come with freeze dried sushi I had it.

Well I thought I had it. You see, I got distracted while I was working. But who wouldn't when they see themselves on the news. It was the five year anniversary of the greatest performance of The Funky Monkey's life. The moon stock 2169, you remember that one? Of course you do, everyone does. Good times... anyhow, i thought i had it fixed but when i turned on the pump something was definitely not right. The input line was hooked to the output fresh water or something like that.. Just leave it at, when you turned on the sink it emptied the crapper tank. I kinda wish now that i hadn't needed all those sushi wrappers.

There I was flying blind in the middle of nowhere with sinks, showers, and even the drinking fountain pumping the ship full of my own creative blend. Needless to say I was exactly watching my Trajectory while I was cleaning the crapper tank and making it the fresh water tank and pumping a few hundred liters of foul smelling bile into the water tanks.  It was easier than re-working the piping.

When I finally looked up I saw I had exited charted territories. At least I had lost the alimony agents. A plus side to everything.  Being the master navigator I was I decided since I was here I would explore a little hopefully finding somewhere to fuel up since Mary Lou had run out sometime during the plumbing mishap. I mean as long as I still had directional thrusters I was fine.

My tank swapping plan was great In Theory but the water had a funny smell and a strangely familiar color to it. After a few days I was pretty sure the tanks were still mixing and decided it was probably safer to just evacuate both tanks and start anew.

That's when it happened. I was looking outside watching the fog rolling in when I remembered there wasn't fog in space. My emptying tanks were reacting with something outside the Mary Lou. Where the crapper waste was contacting the Particles close to the ship it was turning from a light baby blue color to a Erie green. I couldn't help myself. I had to investigate. Now I don't know if you know this but I'm considered one of the leading voices in the scientific community and have been renowned by many as the top names in biochem-Ministry.