Ad Meliora | A S.Snape Fix-It ✓

01

Long chapter ahead!!!

The bold ones are scenes of the memory.
Please note as mentioned in the introduction that few excerpts are from the book, few my own and few are ones from the book that have been modified!

All credits for excerpts from the book go to JKR. I own only parts of my story. No plagiarism intended!

Happy Reading!!
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It was bright and it was hopeful. It was a dream come true. It was supposed to be his escape from the hell he called home. It was to be his respite from pain and his relief from hurt. It was to be home. It was to be where he felt belonged and safe. And he had held these notions, believing in them when he had sailed in the boat towards the castle holding the hand of the only friend he had had. But they had remained what they were - mere notions! They had never translated into being his reality! And with time, he had given up on even giving them a single thought. 

For he had hoped and it had been squashed mercilessly. He had buried the corpse of the once warm and strong emotion deep within his heart then. He had cried and his weakness had been mocked. He had locked his tears away and buried it right beside his dead hope then. He had loved and had been brutally subjected to immense hatred in the hazel eyes he had wished to see at least a little bit of acceptance in. He had strung together the broken pieces of his heart then and buried the still strong emotion deep within. He had sustained the graveyard within his being and expressed his void with anger, bitterness, vindictiveness and resentment. It had been easier to be despised for these than what had constituted his genuine feelings. The world had decided to hate him, shun him anyways. His inner demons had then decided to atleast give them the proper reasons to do so and he had let them take over himself, hiding his true self behind shields so strong that he himself hadn’t been able to penetrate them at times! 

A lifetime had passed since those emotions that filled his void had driven him down a path marred by darkness. A path that had scarred him irrevocably for life. A path that had ultimately led to the deaths of the only people he had ever cared about and that had left him feeling hollow despite the vortex of repressed feelings that had thrived within his depths. A lifetime had passed with guilt and regrets. A lifetime had passed behind masks and secrets. A lifetime had passed marred by misconceptions, deceit, vengeance and hatred. 

A lifetime had passed since the adjectives cold and unfeeling had been associated with him. A lifetime had passed since people refused to realize that he had been as human as any other and had felt all the emotions others were capable of. A lifetime had passed since he had imprisoned those graves and those feelings behind the unyielding shields of his mind.

And now, standing in front of the stone gargoyle guarding the headmaster’s office, having taken the second chance at life he had been given, his mind shields almost near to collapsing with the memories and emotions flooding his mind, Severus Snape felt the burden of the memories of 39 years his now 15 year old body contained . It had taken all that he had within to find the strength to come here without waiting for some modicum of control over his feelings because he had been afraid he would never be able to do it, if not done now. Taking a few breaths, he tapped on the gargoyle, pleading with it to allow him entrance for he did not have it in him to search for the password right now. The gargoyle must have sensed his agitation and his sincerity for it sprung open almost immediately. Severus did not waste a single moment as he rushed up the stairs and knocked at the door, completely unaware of a presence right behind him. 

"Come in" came the agonizingly familiar voice, a voice that had last spoken to him through a damn portrait! Severus sucked in a few more deep breaths before entering right in. He barely registered the surprise in the cerulean blue eyes for the sight of the man, in flesh and blood and not as a portrait served as the last straw that broke all rational hold on the overwhelming vortex and after a lifetime, Severus finally let himself have the much needed breakdown! Albus Dumbledore who had just opened his mouth, having recovered from his surprise, to ask why young Mr. Snape happened to be here, closed it shut in shock even as he watched the normally strong boy who detested showing any sort of vulnerability collapse on the floor and sob his heart out. Heart wrenching sobs that spoke of agony and pain so deep that they should have been incomprehensible to a 15 year old child, escaped Severus's shuddering body, hitting right at the Headmaster's heart and leaving him vastly impacted for the first time in ages!