Ad Meliora | A S.Snape Fix-It ✓

03

"Severus"

He froze at his spot at that voice calling out his name. His real name and not that disgusting nickname they had cruelly termed for him. His fists clenched as a plethora of emotions struck him all at once. He squeezed his eyes shut to gain some control over himself. He had known he would have to see this face, hear this voice again. He had prepared himself for this as well but unfortunately for him, it still fell short for his feelings were far too profound, and had grown over too many years!

He took a few deep breaths and then turned, a blank mask drawn over his face, a practice of too many years kicking into action. But he still couldn't bring himself to adopt a façade of hatred towards the boy in front of him.

"What is it, Potter?" he managed to get out in as harsh a tone possible despite his voice shaking a bit.

James stood in front of him, his hands wringing and a nervousness on his countenance which Severus had never seen before. His eyes furrowed in confusion as hazel eyes filled with guilt gazed at him.

"I..." James began but stopped to swallow as a lump formed in his throat.

"What is it?" Severus repeated, his tone softer now. Just what had happened that had reduced James Potter to this? And that too in front of him?

"I...I'm sorry" he said even as a tear rolled down his eyes. Looking into shocked obsidian eyes, he mustered all his courage and said

"I'm sorry Severus, so so sorry! I never realized just how my so-called pranks and insults were anything but funny. I never realized just how cruel I was becoming every time I targeted you. I always thought I was right in doing so. I always believed that you deserved everything that was done to you"

"But you do not Severus! You do not deserve anything of what was meted out to you by us. You don't deserve to be ridiculed and called names. You don't deserve to be mocked and degraded by everybody around you. You do not deserve to be looked down on as if you were a monster. No, you don't deserve any of this at all! And I'm so sorry, so very sorry that it was me and my friends who put you through all of this! So very sorry!"

Severus looked on as more tears flowed from James's eyes and he had no doubt that he meant it genuinely. But what had caused this? Why was he feeling guilty and apologizing now? Why?

"Why? Why now?" Severus asked, his grip on his emotions slipping away gradually from his reins.

"I was there yesterday..... I was there in Dumbledore's office yesterday" James said, bowing his head in shame. He had had no right to be there and he knew he ought to be ashamed for intruding on a conversation he had no business hearing.

Severus felt as if the ground from beneath him had been pulled away harshly as all breath left his lungs at that revelation! James had been there? He had seen everything? Knew all that he would have preferred he never did? Anger, outrage and hurt roared in his chest as a lifetime and beyond of emotions concealed and suppressed came to the fore.

"It took you watching memories that you had no right to watch and experiencing my emotions when you shouldn't have been anywhere near it to remember that I'm human? To remember that I'm a living, breathing human who has feelings just the same as anybody else? To remember that just because I was sorted into a house that was stereotyped to be evil did not imply I was as well? To remember that I had come to Hogwarts like any other kid and had associated dreams and hopes to this place which was to be my haven? To understand that all I ever wanted was some acceptance!" he raged, tears filling his eyes.

"You couldn't bear the burden of your own guilt isn't it? Couldn't bear the truth that you weren't a hero all along. That's why you are here! You are here to apologize to make yourself feel better. But tell me James, can you forgive a man who made your life and existence miserable, who hurt you so deeply that those scars still radiate pain as if they were inflicted yesterday, who made you wish that you never were born just so as to not see that burning hatred and malice that he harbored towards you for merely existing? Can you forgive a man who deemed you a monster without bothering to look even once and who humiliated you in front of people who bask in your misery and devastation? Can you forgive a man who targeted you because you were part of a house that he did not like, that you stood by the only friend you had which again he did not like and that you dared to fight back? Can you forgive such a man James who made you feel as if giving in to your inner demons was the only way forward for your miserable existence? Can you James Potter forgive a man who relished tormenting you and to whom your pain mattered not because to him, you weren't human at all!" he said, his voice heavy with his emotions.