My saviour ( Kaworu Nagisa X Shinji Ikari)

Its late

Shinji's Pov

"Hey Kaworu, you really shouldnt have paid for me, ill be in your debt forever now" i say smiling knowing its half true, ill always be in kaworu's debt. He looks back at me giving a faint smile then turning to look out the window, whats wrong with him, have i done something already. Probably, im not worthy of being in kaworu's presence, hes way out of my league, AS IN GENERAL IDENTITY, NOT IN A LOVE WAY!! .. but i shouldnt even be here, i shouldnt be friends with kaworu, ill just end up torturing him, im selfish and only care about myself, i admire kaworu's kindness,but  he probably pitys me but i dont care, atleast someone thought about me, not just anyone but somebody as great as kaworu.

I return back to reality, i shouldnt get lost in my thoughts while kaworu is here, he deserves my full attention now. "So.. How are you" i say awkwardly smiling trying to begin a conversation. Kaworu isnt here for me just to contemplate life while he sits there bored in silence. "im fine ikari, but the real subject should be how are you.?" he says with a concerned look on his angel like face. Huh? why me? is he interrogating me? honestly i dont care as long as i get to sit in front of this  god before me. "ahh, yeah im fine" slight shaking in my legs occur due to being flustered, i really am pathetic. I shouldnt be flustered by that its weird, kaworu probably thinks im a total loser now. "hmm, im glad shinji." he says with a genuine smile which makes my heart spiral out of control.

Why is it like this, why do i feel this way? this feeling, is something ive never felt before, is it possible im attracted to kaworu, not in a romantic way.., but as a friend. He just seems like the perfect guy a real saint, although ive hardly known him long. "You have really nice eyes kaworu." i state as a fact, a bit bold to compliment him when im like this, ive probably given off the wrong impression by now but whatever. Kaworu deserves every compliment he receives. "i can say the same for you Shinji" he says staring directly into my pupils, i try not to make eye contact but i cant help it, something compels me to look, like the universe would end if i didnt. We both stare into each other in silence, but no longer awkward silence its a comfortable silence

"its getting late shinji, i think you should come home with me." he says breaking the silence. i jump up at the idea, even more flustered than before. KAWORU'S HOME???? i try to compose my self to answer "o-oh, i w-wouldnt want to be a bother, its fine really." I  say to be polite. "Why are you so nervous, is it because of me?" he says out of the blue. Another jump from my heart again "NO! i mean no no, i just-." i trail off not being able to answer, i hate my fucking self, kaworu must think its his fault, AND ITS NOT its just me.. always so fucking awkward with people. Before i can reply kaworu stands up and climbs out the booth then standing right next to me. His hand slowly approached me then quickly got hold of my arm dragging me out the shop once again.

We slowly walk down the street, with my arm still in kaworu's trap. I look down ashamed, why do i have to be like this, why does everything i do go wrong. I look back to kaworu who doesnt notice, hes completely concentrated on the sky slowly turning dark, seeming completely unbothered about how i acted in the cafe. I had left all my junk food at the cafe, what a waste of money, but its too late to go back now everything will have shut, either way thats not my biggest problem, i should be more focused on how i act around kaworu, if i dont give up this crap hes going to feel uncomfortable around me and soon he will eventually hate me, just like everyone else. Mabye i am being dramatic and overthinking but i dont care, i really like kaworu and i want to be his friend, in fact HIS BEST FRIEND. but mabye i already ruined those chances, i feel like crying.