My saviour ( Kaworu Nagisa X Shinji Ikari)

A saviour

Shinji pov:

My body is completely frozen, i cant believe that just happened. I can hardly breathe from all that running, how does kaworu run that fast? maybe he is athletic, he has got a pretty good body after all, i wouldn't be surprised. I can feel his heart beating aggressively in his chest, i automatically lay my head into his chest, completely oblivious to what im doing. All i can focus on now is kaworu. "Well that was fun.." he says trying to change to change the atmosphere. I find myself looking into his red rose eyes once again and feel his breathing directly on my face, ive completely lost control of my body.

I close my eyes slowly moving my lips towards his face, then feeling  Kaworu pulling me in to where our lips meet. The butterflies begin to dance in my stomach, i think im going to shit my stomach out. His lips are so soft, just how id imagine an angels lips would be. We stand there in comfortable silence for a while before our lips depart, im completely lost for words, i just stare into his eyes waiting for his words.

"You're pretty cute Ikari" He says calmly, despite his cheeks going completely red looking as if hes forgot how to breathe. I wrap my arms around him and fall back onto him. "I-i r-really like you kaworu!" I admit openly before burying my face into his clothes. "I like you too Shinji, i want to save you" huh? what does he mean by save me? "w-what do you mean heh?" i say nervously chuckling, still not sure how to react. "You hurt yourself, im going to stop that" He says clutching my body. What is that supposed to mean, WAIT Is he just doing this because he knows im mentally fucked? Does he really love me, or is he just doing that to be a "saviour"? I release myself from his arms staring down at the floor slightly hurt.

"Whats the matter Shinji, tell me." He says concerned by the sudden halt of affection. I feel selfish to answer, what if he really does love me and im making problems. I cant really shake that guilt off, does he just im just a pathetic lower life form who just aimlessly creates pain for themselves? "Im sorry Kaworu, i have to go." I say leaving avoiding eye contact "Wait, Please dont go!" He says grabbing my wrist stopping me from moving any further, i snap. "JUST STOP, I DONT NEED YOUR CHARITY!" i snarl at him, then taken back by my own words. I look back at him once again, his face completely emptied of emotion. I hear a sigh escape from his lips before he lets go of my wrist. I really fucked up, why did i say that, he was just trying to help me. "K-kaworu im sor-" before i can state my apology hes gone. Where did he go? i swear he was just there a second ago. I didnt see him walk off or anything, the boy just vanished into fin air?

Either way thats not to be questioned now, ive ruined everything. I really loved Kaworu and he genuinely felt the same way, but ive completely ruined it. Why did i think of those things, kaworu was just trying to save me, hes right i do hurt myself and i need help, Why couldnt have i just accepted that? I feel the tears trickling down my face, I really do hate myself. I dont deserve to have nice people such as Kaworu,  i am just a selfish lower life form after all.

I walk home back to my flat where me, Misato and Asuka live together. But it doesnt seem like we re living together, I truly am alone after all and theres nobody who can help me, nobody should help me ill just cause them pain. Its better that i am always alone therefore i wont be a burden to anyone. I enter the living room kicking my shoes off into the wall, and collapsing onto the floor. I cant take this pain anymore, why the hell did i go ruin everything for me and kaworu. I dont want to experience this anymore! i curl up into a ball hugging my knees as a source of comfort. "What the fuck was that?" I spot Asuka leaning on the bathroom doorframe, great how embarrassing. "i cant be arsed dealing with your petty crap today, but whatever it is just stop being dramatic its not the end of the world.. YET" she says with a smug look on her face amused by herself before disappearing into the darkness of her room.

wow no sympathy at all, not like i deserve it anyways. I pick myself up off the floor and enter my bedroom, im so exhausted from the events of today, i strip all my clothes off carelessly dropping them on the floor, and submerging myself into my bed covers. I stare at the dark ceiling trying to come up with solutions, i cant give up with kaworu just yet i wont be able to forgive myself. I should apologise to him Asuka is right, i really am just being dramatic about this. I gently rub the rim of my lips, i still cant believe i kissed kaworu. Why did that moment have to end, it wouldnt have ended if i didnt screw things up as per usual. I close my eyes still conscious, struggling to fall asleep, ill never forget this huge fuck up for the rest of my life.