Jikook Summer Stories (Anthology)

My beloved summer 10

Chapter 10
Epilogue

Jimin

Hi diary, it's been a long time since I have written inside you. I wanted to share something with you, I could not share it with anyone.

Today I went grocery shopping with the ladies, as I was seeing the wine section, it reminded me of someone special.

I felt a presence watching me, as I saw the reflection on the wine bottle.

I saw him, my first love, my first kiss, the first person I made love with. The only and only Jeon Jungkook.

He looked manlier than when we were young, his right arm was covered with tattoos. Gone was the boy with bambi eyes and an innocent look. The man I saw today was more like a sex God then the sweet boy who used to tease me on the beaches of Busan.

I really wanted to apologize to him, but I couldn't feel the courage, because at the end of the day I am just a mere coward who couldn't fight for the guy he loved.

His necklace burns my skin as I remember every moment I have spent with him, his sweet bunny smile that has the power to light up the whole city, his matured and kind ways to deal with things.

You may ask, if I loved him, then why did I leave him, but I could never answer the question because that day when I woke up after we had made love...

His warmth engulfed me into his sweet euphoria, only to be knocked into the reality of my pathetic existence soon.

I saw my phone vibrating on the side table, my mom's call reminding me of the nightmare I will be living when I return home.

I quietly untangled myself from my lover and changed into a proper dress. I took my phone out, so I wouldn't disturb Kookie.

"Jimin!!! Why does it take so long for you to take a simple call?" my mom yelled as soon as I called her.

"Sorry mom."

"Jimin, you have to come back today," she yelled and ended the call with no explanation.

I sighed heavily as I went back and saw my lover was sleeping like a baby. I still remember how happy I felt just seeing Jungkook peacefully sleeping.

If one thing I was sure of is that my parents won't accept my sexuality and I really didn't want to burden my lover at such a young age with my own problems.

Back then I felt like the only choice I had was leaving my lover and going back to my parents and pretending nothing had ever happened.

I packed all my clothes and when I looked towards Jungkook I was sure it would be the last time seeing him, until today.

I walked away from the first man who comforted me, loved me, appreciated me for my true self and made me feel like I belonged somewhere as my tears cascaded from my eyes.

Even in the shortest moment we have known each other, he has showered me with the love of infinity of stars like those thunderstorms, powerful and beautiful in their own tragic way.

After I returned to my house away from my home, things were empty like our childhood promises.

Everyday was filled with the guilt of betrayal and my cowardice. I was crying myself to sleep only to wake up to relive my nightmare.

My parents were always demanding me to be the best of best and the idea of even disappointing them would make me kill myself.

I feel like I lost my whole life, love, interest and myself in the process of not disappointing them.

But that doesn't mean I don't love my new family.

I do love my wife Dami and our daughter Kookiya. After I completed my studies in business just like my parents wished they got me married to Dami.

She has been more of a best friend who understands me, she also knows about Jungkook. She understood the choice I took and why I had taken it, but was disappointed with my decision to leave him.

She was the closest friend who supported me with my own decisions.

And my daughter is the best thing that has happened to me. It seems like I am a very selfish person who ran away from the man I claim to love, but only to have a better life.

Maybe I am, maybe I am a pathetic coward who couldn't stand up for who I loved, loved and will always love. I am a bitch who has used a beautiful man like Jungkook for my own pleasure.

I do hate myself for not giving him the explanation that he deserved and I really wish this guilt could destroy me into nothing now but it seems like even my fate hates me for betraying my Kookie.

I deserved to feel the crawling sensation of my own betrayal for hurting the one who genuinely loved me only because I couldn't be brave enough and let my insecurities take control.

Maybe if I was courageous that day, maybe if I stayed, maybe if my love was stronger than my insecurities, maybe things would have been different, I would have been with the man I love, admire, respect and am completely vulnerable for or maybe not.

The End

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