sootcest... stuff?! [MOSTLY SMUT]

p4- "your beauty never really scared me"

(Picked that image cause it was fitting. I'm not in the Genshin fandom but I have nothing against it. The only reason I have that photo is cause my friend likes it and loves Childe. And yes the fanfic title is from Mary On A Cross.)

Will contain:
Heavy profanity
Fluff!!
Extreme Angst.
A very extreme argument between L'manbur and Rev. Be prepared.

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Rev sobbed incessantly into his blanket. He'd locked himself in his room and would not stop crying, guilt had taken over him and he was drowning in it.

He twirled his white streak with his finger, trying to find a source of comfort. He just felt so bad.
Everything he had done. He was so awful to every person he'd ever met, making them feel sad or angry or just fucked them up. He understood not everyone was bound to accept his apologies. But he really tried. He was so so sorry.

He'd felt he was on the brink of a breakdown as soon as his argument with L'manbur began.

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"You are a sorry excuse for a fucking human being, Rev. Do you know that?!" L'manbur yelled. They were standing in the kitchen, and their conversation about their past mistakes and regrets had gotten heated.
Rev sniffed, trying to keep his cool.
"L'manbur, I've told you a million times, I regret it all, we were having a conversation about mistakes, please!"
"I don't understand how one person can cause so much damage. It's sickening. Look at what I've become. Just look at how many times we have to have this same argument."
He was ignoring everything Rev was saying, he was going all out and Rev was cornered.
"I'm sorry... I didn't do anything..." Rev whimpered, hugging himself and backing into the kitchen wall nearest to the door.
"You are not getting out yet. Or anytime soon. You hear me? Someone needs to put you in your goddamn place, you sick fuck."
L'manbur had walked up to Rev and was now even closer to him. Very close. Every time he shouted it was way worse than before if that was possible. L'manbur was right. He was so right. He did need to be put in his place. He was a sick, sick fuck. Who blows up a country?
But it all escalated very quickly because of L'manbur's next dig.
"And Tommy. You have fucked that kid up. You ruined everything. Why would you put a child in such difficult positions? You are a manipulator, Rev. A sick fucking manipulator."
That was too much. He already regretted all that enough, he did not want to relive the memories of the things he'd said to Tommy that were fucked up lies, or just plain horrible. He pushed L'manbur out of his way, since he was blocking him from leaving.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"
"Get the fuck away from me!" Rev screamed, with such emotion that
L'manbur's face seemed to drop. Rev thought he saw a flicker of regret, forgiveness, sympathy, something, but it was gone as fast as it came. L'manbur simply growled lowly, returning to the kitchen and slamming the door.
Rev ran to his bedroom, hot tears streaming down his face, burning.

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L'manbur could be downright volatile in most arguments, shouting and scolding you 'till you felt smaller than a grain of fucking sand. And it always worked on Rev. It was so loud, the shouting paralysing him. He hated arguing with L'man. He really did. He was so vulnerable to L'manbur, too. Whether it be smoking in the house, which was reasonable, but L'manbur took it to a whole other extent, or doing something that didn't require any shouting, sure Rev loved him to bits but L'manbur was so mean sometimes.

This wasn't the first occasion Rev had had to leave the room due to L'manbur's scolding. On many other days, they would argue and the volume of his voice would shake him to his core
and Rev just wouldn't be able to handle it, despite how verbally intelligent as he was known to be.

He was here, crying again.

When would the cycle of guilt end? He just wanted to feel genuinely good about himself for just once again. But he just couldn't seem to catch a fucking break.

He thought about all the people he'd fucked over, the lies he'd told, the people he'd hurt. Tommy, Tubbo, Niki, Fundy, you name them, Rev had hurt them somehow.

That was something he and Pogbur shared. Just, Pogbur was pretty blind to it all. He cared far less.

Rev continued to cry uncontrollably into his pillow, this time, even screaming. It was so painful. He wished for it all to go away. He also wished it'd just be that easy. Wishing it all away.

Rev took deep breaths, trying to get himself together. But he just couldn't.
He was particularly hard to mend today, it seemed. Every time his breathing was balanced and not so shaky, he would remember something in the small peace and silence and sob violently once more.

As Rev faced his wall, trying to regain balance, he noticed the door open ever so slightly.

How odd... he got up rather quickly to shut it, but Ghostbur appeared in the doorway instead.

Noticing the redness in his eyes and the tears formed in them, Ghostbur frowned sadly.
"Oh Revvy... what happened this time?"
Rev tried to speak but resulted in becoming a blubbering mess.

Ghostbur gasped at the sight and immediately opened up his arms that Rev did not hesitate to drop down to his knees and fall into.
"Hey, hey, hey...Revvy, it's okay. Whatever he said isn't true, okay?"
Rev shook his head violently.

"No." he hiccuped. "It's fully true, I am an irresponsible psychopath prick." he croaked. His throat still hurt from all the shouting.
Ghostbur gripped tighter in the hug, and Rev could feel him shake his head.
Ghostbur patted Rev's back, rubbing a hand up and down it.
Rev melted into the feeling. He was so touch-starved it was crazy.

"Revvy. Please. You are not that person anymore. You aren't that Revvy anymore, please."

"You aren't that Revvy anymore."

The sweetness of that sentence was so much it made Rev cry again. Ghostbur was so pure, just that thought made Rev sob more.

"Come on, now. Sit on your bed, Revvy."
Rev did so, allowing Ghostbur to guide him to the object that was directly ahead of him.
Ghostbur sat beside him and absently played with Rev's brown curls.

"You are a far better person than you believe you are, Revvy."
Rev scoffed, disagreeing again.
"How could you say that, knowing the disgusting things I did?"

"Because you've changed, Revivebur. You have changed." The stern tone of Ghostbur was shocking. He didn't even call him Revvy or Rev. Wow.

"I don't-"

"And do you know how strong you have to be to accept the things you did? To feel guilty is a feat of it's own."

Ghostbur would not stop. He would make Rev see clearly, to make him happy because that was what he deserved. He would do this until the day he truly died if he had to.

"So many people that did things like you don't feel a thing. Because people are cruel. But you are not."

There was a comfy silence in the room as the ghost continued to fiddle with the older's hair, holding his hand firmly.

Rev nuzzled into Ghostbur's small chest,
"Is that really true?"
"Yes. Always. You are so strong. You gotta regain that confidence, Revvy."

Rev turned away from Ghostbur and brought his knees to him stomach, holding them. Ghostbur still continued to play with Rev's hair beside him, not letting go of his hand.

"I am a... decent person."
Eh, they could settle on that.
"No, you are a good person.
Or not.

Rev looked up at Ghostbur, tired and teary-eyed. He went in for a second hug, sobbing again into Ghostbur's shoulder but far softer this time.

"I love you, Ghostbur."
"I love you too, Revvy."
"I don't want to ever let go."
"Then I will stay like this with you forever, Revvy."

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(First angst! It's not just my first one of this book either, it my first ever angst entirely! I'm very proud of it. I relate to Rev very heavily. I wish I could just HAVE Ghostbur he has my whole heart ♥️)