sootcest... stuff?! [MOSTLY SMUT]

A/N- i feel disgusting

I will be taking a break.

I may return.

I just have been watching a tiktoker who did sootcest commissions and long story short, posted stuff until they realised that poppytwt and proshippers were interacting with the posts and now they've taken everything down and made an apology video and everything. And all the comments were, rightfully so, supportive. Hell, even I commented. People were saying "happy you realised what you were doing was fucking disgusting, well done for apologising" and supportive things, and it made me realise:

Am I disgusting?

I wouldn't be surprised if I lost sleep over this. I just want to respect my streamers boundaries, but it's so hard when I stupidly ship everything and make them have sex and everything. But I would never class myself as poppytwt or a proshipper. I hate the thought of being one of them. I hate them. I have a history of liking problematic things. Example: Underlust. And I get so attached to these things I can't just say, "This is bad, I'm sorry." And that fact? That I can't even separate myself from these things that are awful and apologise and move on? Is utterly disgusting. I hate myself right now. I only recently learned about Underlust's history and the comic... I felt this way too but I still like it. I validate myself. And I have nobody to talk about it to, to seek advice and help and somewhat vent, because no-one want to hear a person talk about sootcest. They'll just write it off as, "yeah you're gross. You finally realised it. Stop shipping it completely. Now move on if you wanna respect boundaries."

If you guys can lend an ear, and help, I would really appreciate it. I'd post this on my tiktok but, one, my family follow me, and two, my followers don't know I ship sootcest.

I hate myself right now. All the time when I read fanfics and enjoy them I look at, say, my Wilbur album covers on my wall and feel so disgusting. I hate myself. Please understand. I can't bring myself to write these things due to my mental state right now.

-Moth/Ozzie.