All This Time (A Daryl Dixon fanfiction)

Chapter 87

"Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know."

- Pema Chodron

Day 600

I must have eventually drifted off because I awoke to a knock on the door. Prying open my heavy lids, I blinked, surprised. The sun hit the windows brightly, suggesting that I slept for longer than usual.

Startled, I jumped to my feet, finally noticing Oscar leaning on the doorframe. The shimmer under his eyes was more prominent in the proper light, making me wince lightly.

"What's the time?" I asked him with a hoarse voice.

"After nine."

My eyes grew larger, and I went for the door, but he stopped me. "Lu's downstairs with Mich and Merle. I heard you crying for most of the night. Thought you needed sleep. I wouldn't wake you now, but Rick's here to see you."

I breathed out in relief and hugged him briefly, thanking him. It was sweet of him, and he didn't have to take care of Lucy alone. Changing swiftly from pair of sweats and a tank top into my usual jeans and long sleeve t-shirt, I went downstairs.

From the grim faces of the couple on the couch, I assumed that Daryl didn't emerge yet from the basement. Or, he left so early that nobody heard or saw him.

Biting on my lower lip, I went outside to the porch, where Rick was waiting, surprisingly, with Tobin. Tilting my head, I cocked my brow, asking them silently what they needed. Without a word, Sheriff passed me a piece of paper.

Furrowing my brows, confused, I brought it up and started to read.

'I wish it didn't have to end, not this way. It was never my intention to hurt you, but it's how it has to be.

We have so much here-- people, food, medicine, walls, everything we need to live. But what we have other people want, too, and that will never change. If we survive this threat and it's not over, another one will be back to take its place, to take what we have.

I love you all here. I do. And I'd have to kill for you. And I can't. I won't. Elena says I don't have to. That I can do other things, but how can I look away when our people are getting hurt?

Rick sent me away, and I wasn't ever gonna come back, but everything happened, and I wound up staying. But I can't anymore. I can't love anyone because I can't kill for anyone. So I'm going like I always should have. Don't come after me, please.'

The letter wasn't signed, but it wasn't that hard to figure out who wrote it. I closed my eyes, rubbing a hand over my face.

Licking my dry lips, I glanced over at the men. "Do we know when she left?"

Tobin shook his head. "During the night, I think. She was gone by the time I woke up."

"Tobin thinks she was preparing for it. Made a bunch of food, took her pack and his coat," Rick added. Clearly, they already spoke about it.

Determined to focus on something I hopefully could fix today. Helping Daryl would take more time.

"Alrighty. Give me five."

"OK. We gonna wait by the gate," Rick told me, waving at Tobin to follow him.

Returning inside, I quickly filled the others on what was happening and that I was going to search for Carol with Rick. Grabbing my pack from the bedroom, I filled it with water, and some food, snatching an apple to chew down on the way to the gate.