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✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* TRIGGER WARNING: Involves topics that pertain to body image issues and self harm by not eating - '𝘐𝘧 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶...' -EVERYTHING I WANTED//BILLIE ELLISH ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
It was a late night on set and the cast and I had just finished our last scene of the day.
I was on my way to my trailer when I was stopped by someone behind me yelling my name. "Hey Y/nn! We're all going to Brady's trailer to eat Pizza, want to come?"
"Oh...um yeah sure but I'm not really hungry right now." I lied. I was hungry. Honestly, I was starving, but every time I was to put food in my mouth I just felt so guilty for doing so. I'd spend hours in the mirror comparing my thick thighs and the way my stomach appeared in the mirror to other girls online, to the point I'd feel mentally sick doing so.
I started blaming eating for how I looked compared to others and I'd stop eating, drop some pounds, then I'd get hungry and gain it all back which hurt even more.
"Y/nn, you gotta eat something...you haven't eaten all day." Mason stood there looking at me worried, knowing my past.
"It's just been a busy day, ya know? And I'm not...that hungry anyways." I looked down at my feet trying to hide my eyes that were watering in pain.
"Oh God Y/n, please no." Mason mumbled enough for me to hear while pulling me into a comforting embrace.
"Y/nn you are literally so perfect and I'm not even joking, you can't do this to yourself. You have to eat! Please Y/n! I can't watch you put yourself through this again!" Mason begged holding me tighter in his chest as a few tears of his fell on my forehead.
"But I c-can't Mason or...or I'll g-get bigger. I already have huge thighs and fat carried in stomach...I hate my body. No one wants me with my body and it's like everyone judges me..." I cried.
"As long as I'm here no one can hurt you. If I could change the way you see yourself...you wouldn't wonder why you're here." Mason said pulling me from his chest to stare at me with his saddened eyes. "We're gonna get through this okay? I'm not letting you suffer alone."
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A/N:: I wanted to write about these topics because though these are both topics quite frequently talked about now days, it's topics I feel that are not understood by society in a full standardized manner that needs to be. People throw it around like it's easy to get over and 'just go eat'...people say they are here to support us...but they are still the ones who get online and post a picture of themselves in a bikini captioning it with #loveyourbody, #ittakestime #goeat! I'm sorry but unless you have struggled with this... don't sit there and tell others to go eat or love their body when you don't have a single idea of what we're going through. It's a real disorder and it's not something you just 'get over' and it certainly doesn't help coming from women showing me their 'perfect' bikini shaped bodies. Let me see the faces of the people who know what it's like to sit in the mirror and sob your eyes out because of how your body looks or the guilt you sit with because of eating 'too much'. Those are the people I want to see. Not the clout baiting based accounts who haven't experienced what millions suffer with daily.
If you guys are struggling and need help please feel free to DM or contact... Body Image-National Eating Disorders Association at; 800-931-2237
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